Complain about the lack of meeting rooms on campus while reclining on leather couches and sipping hot chocolate in front of a lit fireplace in Spangler
Be late to / flake out on every single meeting / social gathering / date / doctor’s appointment ever scheduled
Ask any of your classmates how much progress they’ve made on their commitments to save the world (see admissions essays)
Refuse to share your meticulous case notes with your unprepared and slightly hungover seatmate when he/she gets cold-called
Take longer than 30 seconds to introduce yourself when you meet someone new This last point deserves some special mention. Sure, this school has its problems – like not earning SPG points for nights spent in dorm rooms, and outdoor walkways with puddles eight to twelve feet deep when it rains – but perhaps the most glaring omission concerns the “personal introduction elevator pitch”. You will learn the art of the “elevator pitch in second semester – but by then, first semester will have passed, and this is the very moment when you need this skill the most, the moment when you are introducing yourself to literally hundreds of new people over the span of just a few days. But never fear, I have your back. Stand up straight! Be concise! Shake hands firmly, but not too firmly! Always have a hook and an ask! And if that boilerplate advice wasn’t generic enough, memorize the following script and you’ll fit right in: “Hi, my name is ! I’m originally from , but I spent the last two years working for in . Before that I spent three years working at in . I did my undergrad at where I studied . In my free time, I like to . So what section are you in? I hear Section J is pretty incredible… And how crazy was that Erik Peterson case? No way is any protagonist going to be easier to make fun of than him!” Happy travels! Raamin
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