MitaliPOV

Danielle Mitalipov (MBA ’25) offers advice to conflicted MBA students in Issue No. 4.

This marks the fourth edition of the Harbus advice column, MitaliPOV, where we answer anonymous questions on topics ranging from career woes to romantic dilemmas. Creative liberties are taken with student signatures, but otherwise these queries are directly from HBS students!

Trigger warning: the following article references instances of sexism, violence against women, and abuse.

“I’m aware of someone at HBS that holds very misogynistic views, specifically that a woman’s ‘place’ is in the home. Does expressing this viewpoint violate any HBS policies? And is there any recourse as a woman who is subjected to misogyny by a classmate?” – Disgusted by Discrimination

Dear Disgusted,

I am assuming, based on the tone of your letter, that this comment was not merely expressing an individual preference (e.g., “I want to be the sole breadwinner of the family”) and was rather a sweeping derogatory statement about women with career aspirations, in which case – gross! That is so infuriating and unacceptable, especially at a business school where women (who make up 45% of the student body) defy that sentiment simply by virtue of being here. In that context, this student’s bigoted views go beyond condescension by implying that women do not belong at HBS. That certainly does not cohere with HBS Community Values, namely the commitment to “respect for the rights, differences, and dignity of others.” More specifically, it could be a violation of the University’s Non-Discrimination and Anti-Bullying policies, although this will depend on the precise nature of what was said and by whom – according to the policy, important factors include: “Frequency of the conduct, severity and pervasiveness of the conduct, whether it is physically threatening, degree to which the conduct interfered with…student’s academic performance or ability to participate in or benefit from academic/campus programs and activities, [and] the relationship between the alleged harasser and the subject.” Still, I’d encourage you to reach out to the HBS designated resource (section 2.3.3 of the Student Handbook) to learn more. You might also consider contacting the HBS Title IX coordinator (section 2.3.4), who deals specifically with issues of gender-based and sexual harassment.  

In the event that disciplinary action is unlikely or otherwise undesirable, you certainly have the option, but not the obligation, to approach this student yourself if you know one another, or if the remarks were made directly to you. However, the onus for taking action shouldn’t be on you, and there’s no guarantee the offending party will take your words to heart if you are, as your submission implies, a woman – unfortunately, their views make it quite clear that they do not hold women’s words in particularly high regard. In that case, the aforementioned resources might be able to suggest alternate courses of action even if a formal report isn’t possible. Finally, let this be a general call to action to everyone at HBS, especially male allies: if you see or hear this kind of misogyny, speak up and point out how small-minded it is! It can be awkward to say something, but silence implicitly endorses this sort of behavior, which is horrifyingly on the rise – Gen Z men are more likely than baby boomers to oppose feminism, and a fifth of those who know of him approve of Andrew Tate, a self-described misogynist who advocates male supremacy. Sexist jokes or comments might seem unrelated to these larger trends, but research indicates that they not only reinforce gender inequality but also correlate to increased rates of violence against women. It’s disappointing that once-basic premises of women’s rights are under attack, but there is still time to fight back. That fight begins with challenging the prejudiced beliefs of our fellow students, who will inevitably go on to be leaders who make a difference in the world – it’s up to us to decide what kind of difference that will be. 

“There’s a person at HBS that treated me terribly last year and really impacted my RC experience. This person is very charismatic and well liked so I often hear people sing their praises. When this person comes up in conversation, should I be honest or keep my views on their character to myself? I don’t want to come across like a mean-spirited, small-minded gossip, but it feels like it takes a toll to hold it in.” – Suffering in Silence

Dear Suffering,

I’m so sorry that happened to you, and I hope your EC year so far has been a time of healing! You are not alone – according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, abusive partners tend to be quite charismatic, hence their ability to gain the trust of victims and perpetrate said abuse. Whether or not this person was your partner, this pattern of behavior can hold true of those who mistreat others in a variety of relationship contexts, and is in fact a telltale sign of narcissism. If what happened to you meets the criteria of discrimination, bullying, or assault, I’d urge you to seek guidance from the resources I mentioned in my prior response (namely the HBS designated resource on Non-discrimination and Anti-Bullying and/or the HBS Title IX coordinator). 

If, however, the situation with your classmate does not meet these definitions (e.g., it falls within the lines of “general jerk behavior,” however you would construe that), and the mistreatment is no longer ongoing (which, luckily, seems to be the case), then I would generally advise you to refrain from speaking poorly of them to others. This is not to discount the hurt you experienced, but rather to help you overcome it. Firstly, and most tactically, you’re unlikely to win in the court of public opinion given your opponent is so well-liked, and you run the risk of provoking them to join the fray, which would only re-open a very painful chapter in your life. But secondly, it keeps you dwelling on this person and the harm they did you, when you deserve to dedicate that energy to the things and people in your life who bring you joy. If you find you can’t stop ruminating, you can try to break the loop of negative thoughts by meditating, avoiding triggers, and trying therapy, among other options. 

Again, this depends greatly on how egregious this person’s actions were, and how likely you think it is that they will harm others in a similar manner. You will have to be the judge of that, and if you find that their actions do not morally compel you to take action, then staying neutral is ultimately your best course of action. I know it can be frustrating to not set the record straight with your classmates – I would personally have a hard time taking my own advice here.  That doesn’t mean you have to join the choir singing this person’s praises! Feel free to tactfully change the subject if he or she comes up in conversation, or otherwise excuse yourself. And, of course, you should feel empowered to talk about what happened to you with your close friends. You could even consider directly confronting the perpetrator themselves, if you think this would help bring you closure without running the risk of retaliation – that’s up to you to decide, although I’m somewhat skeptical that this approach will bring more benefit than harm. Generally, though, you should do your best to take the high road in social settings, and soon enough the whole thing will become an unpleasant blip in an otherwise incredible MBA experience.

Danielle Mitalipov (MBA ‘25) is an RC interested in biotech and climate technology. She is a Student Sustainability Associate (SSA) and writes for both the Harbus and the HBS Show. Prior to HBS, she studied philosophy at Stanford University, and led merchandising for a global brand at adidas. Outside of school, she is usually making progress on her ever-growing reading list or watching the latest release at the Coolidge Corner Theater.