April Fools

Love in the Time of Corona
April Fools

Love in the Time of Corona

Chapter 1: The Flame, Ignited You see before you an old man, burdened and weathered by the myriad small hardships and crises of life. Such is the destiny of those who toil with their hands to harvest the Earth’s bounty. But I have not always been this way. I want to tell you a story…

April Fools

Jana Kierstead Claims She Does Not Control US Department of State

Students protest after Administration permits the United States government to flag all countries as Level 4 risk. The United States of America issued a rare Global Level 4 health advisory, asking citizens to “come home immediately.” The Government advised, “Have a travel plan that does not rely on the U.S. Government for assistance,” which is…

Class of 2020’s Diplomas to Be Available Only in Blockchain Format
April Fools

Class of 2020’s Diplomas to Be Available Only in Blockchain Format

Faculty says decision aligns with new all-virtual strategy. As HBS students have watched most of what they know and love about the HBS experience—such as classes, section events, Shad workout classes, and graduation—move from the physical world to the virtual world, ECs recently learned that, in lieu of distributing paper diplomas, the administration will simply…

April Fools

Dean Deems Harby Essential Services

ISDL coaches will be repurposed to make memes. In a bold move that dazzled his admirers and detractors alike, Dean Nohria announced that he would be invoking the Defensive Humor Production Act of 2020. As an ever increasing number of bored students exhaust the finite supply of #coronamemes on the internet, the Dean is looking…

April Fools

Six-Month Dean Search Ends with New Hire

Introducing Nitin Nohria. After an exhaustive six-month search, the HBS Dean Search Advisory Committee  announced Friday the successor to Dean Nitin Nohria: Nitin Nohria. “Honestly, his resume just stood out,” said search committee member Professor Matt Weinzierl. “We used blind resumes, of course, to remove any bias we may have had, so we didn’t realize…

Trump Invokes Defense Production Act
April Fools

Trump Invokes Defense Production Act

POTUS orders Harvard Business Publishing to manufacture toilet paper. Chafing under pressure from a desperate public, President Donald J. Trump invoked the Defense Production Act on Tuesday, giving himself sweeping new authority to direct the production of American firms during times of national emergency. In his very first order, he commanded Harvard Business Publishing (HBP)…

Department of Operations Implements Project Room Fees Spangler Grille to Become Room Time Trading Floor
April 1st, April Fools, Print Edition, The Harbush

Department of Operations Implements Project Room Fees Spangler Grille to Become Room Time Trading Floor

Spangler Hall – The Department of Operations’ Room Reservations Office said Thursday that it will be implementing per-quarter-hour fees for project room use, responding to student complaints that there’s never a quiet spot to make a phone call when you goddam need one. “This will ensure an equitable distribution of project room resources at a…

Social Enterprise Initiative Launches New Program to Combat Climate Change and Save Weekend Ski Trips
April 1st, April Fools, Humor, Print Edition

Social Enterprise Initiative Launches New Program to Combat Climate Change and Save Weekend Ski Trips

Cumnock Hall – Broken bones, bruised brains, and battered hearts – these are the injuries that have plagued the skiing and snowboarding population at HBS this year. Despite the usual hype and anticipation, record low snowfalls during peak season – especially during the official ski trip weekend – resulted in frustration, scratched equipment, and cringeworthy…

HBS i-Lab opens new basement floor for weed start-ups
April Fools

HBS i-Lab opens new basement floor for weed start-ups

Following closely on the heels of the successful AR/VR Studio launch this past February, the HBS Innovation Labs announced the opening of a new subterranean floor dedicated solely to cannabis start-ups. The so-called “HiGH Lab” initiative seeks to take advantage of recent changes to regulation. Massachusetts elected to legalize marijuana in November, joining several other…

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