April 1st, The Harbush

With Boastful Introductory Email, FGI Team Sets Emerging Market Company Up for Massive Disappointment

Harry Cumberbatch, Contributor

“Alright guys, let’s have our first slide focus on our educational backgrounds,” RC Student Brian Dorkin said to his Ghana-destined FGI team as he copied various Ivy League University shields into a meticulously formatted powerpoint slide.

“Yeah, then we can list out special skills!” added Susan Goodensorri taking over another part of the shared google slide. Continued Goodensorri, whose only experience is two years in an entry level role, “Let’s see, complete fluency in business analytics, product management, corporate development — you worked at BAML, right Chad? — corporate finance, leadership, uh… marketing, strategy, FRC, LCA, BGIE…”

“What about adding ‘Microsoft Word’”? Interjected military veteran Doug Smith.

“Guys, this company doesn’t know what’s going to hit it. Six HBS MBAs? Their competition — in whatever industry they’re in — doesn’t stand a chance.” Added teammate Skip Pendleton, who owes his every success to his family’s wealth. “Plus I found a bunch of dope nightclubs we can take our clients to. Do you think they’ll speak english?”

Late reports confirmed that the team had added their GMAT scores to the slide deck.

April 4, 2017
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