Career Spoke

At the Harbus we try to cater to your every intellectual, emotional, and (dare we say it) spiritual need. Are you still looking for a job? Then fear not, young MBAs. This week we’re rolling out Career
Spoke. Like Career Hub, but nimble and zeitgeisty. The Netflix to Career Hub’s Time Warner. Luke
Skywalker’s gunship to Career Hub’s Death Star.

Career Spoke is so plugged in its offering you jobs in next year’s coolest startups. Before they’ve
even been founded. Accept one of these jobs and you’d be the founder’s boss, basically. Your
classmates will be trapped into a cosmic spiral of jealousy by the time you saunter back to campus
for the 5th year reunion.

On offer in Career Spoke this week:

VP of Business Development, HBS Landscaping Advisers LLC

Company: We are an endowment fund dedicated to maintaining the superlative quality of the
landscaping and wildlife on the HBS campus. Did you think that army of gardeners, trucks and exotic fauna paid for itself? Having the fuzziest rabbits and most majestic Eucalyptus trees is a big deal, and our financial resources are commensurate with this goal: our assets under management run into the trillions, and when we go short subprime, the world notices. Trust us.

Job Description: You will oversee the key growth initiatives that will turn campus into even more of
a modern-day Eden, and stop anyone from ever contemplating going to Stanford: Andean condors,
African baobabs, maybe penguins. Or a full-blown tropical conservatory, to keep all that wretched
snow out.

Requisite prior experience: Banking. Trimming those hedges to our exacting standards requires
potent attention to detail and a warped sense of the importance of formatting.
Chief of Staff to Jan Koum, Facebook

Company: I believe you’ve heard of us.

Job Description: Our recent hire Jan Koum, formerly CEO of Whatsapp, is looking for someone to
drive Jan’s driver to his morning swim in a pool of fresh dollar bills.

Compensation: Facebook shares, Bitcoins, and other very topical yet highly dubitable units of value