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The Musings of a Fashion Expert

Wait. So if Austin is writing this article then who is the expert? Answer: Austin. You may not know it by his complete lack of appropriate business attire, but I (subtle transition from third person) am an expert because of what I am not. I am not you. You are not an expert…yet.

I am a Midwesterner, born and raised in Lincoln, NE….Nebraska. For the international students, that’s an 11 hour drive east of Vail. Nebraska is a landlocked state which means growing up, trends in clothing reached us last, aka wearing your Orlando Magic Starter Jacket until the age of 19 given its warmth and coincidental potential to double as a fanny pack. Having lived in several states since then I now have a keen eye for what is and isn’t hot in the fashion world, completely preparing myself for entry into HBS.

The following is a list of fashion forward faux paucities that will soon be trending on the fashion curve, complementing your wardrobe, and impressing your peers, lest you be left behind:

1) Deep V’s. Everyone benefits here. You get to continue to be a trendsetter and I get to see your bellybutton.

2) Indoor Scarves. Did you forget to take it off when you came inside? Nope. Is your neck warm? Yep. Are you taking it off? Nope. Will you put on another scarf when you go outside? No question.

3) Capris. Inspired by moms everywhere this lower half indecision keeps your foot in both doors: a preventative measure in case you encounter high waters and a rebellious maneuver in case you want to show off your high school ankle tat. Safety first.

4) Fishnet Anything. The brilliance of wearing fishnet is that it is a sustainability and practicality play all in one: covering your body with half the material it typically takes while using the same clothes to catch some lunch in the Charles River. Legal Seafoods? No thanks, heading to catch lunch with my pants.

5) Socks with sandals. Going to the beach? It doesn’t matter. Perpetuating your defiance to the purpose of sandals is a win either way.

6) Jorts. Until I left Nebraska I didn’t know there was another type of material than denim being used to cover half of your lower half. Its resurgence is imminent. If you go looking in stores for jorts and can’t find them, it’s not because they are unavailable, it’s because they are out of stock, and you, my friend, are too late.

7) Backpacks with wheels. Convenience meets fashion here. Why limit yourself to just a backpack? More wheels please. Next.

8) Fanny Packs. Inspired by forceful moms, this waistline extension is a must-have for anyone looking to be organized and efficient. Not just exclusive to office supplies and billfolds, fanny packs can fit all your daily needs: sandwiches, hair gel, Flintstone vitamins, you name it.

9) Crocs. Where comfort meets style, and where your wallet makes a step in the right direction. Right up there with capris for those who can’t decide whether to stand or stand…in a river.

10) Aeropostale T-Shirts. This brand is crushing it right now alongside Old Navy, Hollister, and American Eagle. There’s no better way to look like you came straight from a garage sale. Hey, but what about Abercrombie & Fitch? Nope. A&F is for rich people.

11) Pleated Khakis. Completely practical choice here. Bunching up fabric and sewing it in an overlapping fashion at the waistline makes perfect sense. This maneuver allows for an expansion of your thighs well into Thanksgiving while serving as a pre-emptive goodbye to your metabolism as you enter your
30’s. Byeeeeeeeee.

12) T-shirts with sayings on them. My personal favorite: “You are reading my shirt…” Oh ho ho… how clever you are. But you…. consciously putting on that shirt… genius.

I expect to see some of these trends surfacing in the next few months.

Thank me later. Fashion out.

November 18, 2013
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