Humor

An MBA Live Blog of South by Southwest

Signs at South by Southwest 2012

Signs at South by Southwest 2012

South By Southwest (SXSW) is an annual gathering of tech www.replicaforbest.co.uk startups and indie rock bands in the weird and crazy city of Austin, Texas. This live blog details one day at the festival as reported by three attendees.

* Note: Asterisks indicate entries that actually happened.

[12:05 PM] Wake up with the realization that I ate a burrito for every single meal yesterday.*

[12:30 PM] Shower and put on 14 replica breitling Aeromarine different colored wristbands prior to leaving the hotel in hopes of gaining entry to parties I wasn’t invited to.

[12:35 PM] Threat of rain forces me to wear my North Face raincoat replica breitling bentley 6.75, instantly ruining the hipster outfit I had specifically purchased for this day prior to SXSW.*

[1:42 PM] Arrive in downtown Austin. See a 300 person line snaking around a building. Ask people what they’re lining up for – no one knows, so I join it.

[1:48 PM] Send a tweet falsely claiming that Better than Ezra is playing on the roof of Buffalo Billiards. Four people leave the line. #BandFail.

[3:00 PM]  Arrive at the door to discover it’s a launch party for the new “Color” app. Upon stepping inside it turns out to just be a roomful of dollar bills on fire.

[3:15 PM] An unmanned Google car crashes into the popular mmmPanadas food truck triggering a mass empanada shortage.  I resort to eating a burrito instead.

[3:35 PM] Decide to have contest with friends to determine the best way to end a conversation with startup founders. Winning techniques include:
-Ask what their revenue model is*
-When listening to a pitch, compare the startup to myspace
-Tell a founder you had the same idea last SXSW and are about to close Series B

[4:13 PM] My brunch of French burritos (aka Crepes) is not sitting well. Luck worsens when five bars in a row fail to have locking stall doors. Or toilet paper. Or walls.*

[4:43 PM] Overloading of cellular networks provides a helpful boost to the beta-launch of “Pidjun” – a new carrier pigeon start-up

[5:30 PM] Am having a great conversation with the founder of an ambient sandwich delivery service. We are just getting into it when he spots someone more interesting and ditches me.

[7:45 PM] Homeless man jumps out at me yelling “circle circle dot dot, now you have your cooties shot.” I flee rapidly.* He yells after me that he has cheap wi-fi.

[8:14 PM] Get offered a free burrito to “like” Bing on Facebook. I contemplate which is the worse outcome: dying of hunger, or dying of ridicule.

[8:23 PM] 10,000th sighting of Warby Parker glasses.

[8:30 PM] Recognize Myspace Tom while playing shuffleboard. He invites me to his “sweet mashup party” later that night.

[9:32 PM] News of a flash-IPO sale for 5% of Pinterest causes a mob to descend on the convention center. Police disperse the crowd with tear gas.

[10:12 PM] See Google team with their shirts tucked into their underwear. Never thought I’d wish I was at a Bing party.*

[11:12 PM] Arrive fashionably late to Myspace Tom’s mashup party. I expect to see at least a few of Tom’s 11,795,087 Myspace friends to be there. Instead I find him alone on the dance floor listening to a midi mashup of “Why Can’t We Be Friends” and “One is the Loneliest Number.” As I flee the bar, he yells that he’ll message me.

[12:30 AM] Go check out Nelly’s new burrito truck called “Hot in Here”. Hatchet!

[12:50 AM] Wander into a Jazz club and see a band fronted by “Trombone Biggie”. He looks like he just ate “Trumpet Smallie”.*

[3:12 AM] Hail a pedicab for a ride home. Driver informs us he works for tips, to which I reply “Here’s a tip: come up with a more sustainable revenue model.” He leaves me on the side of the road.

[5:15 AM] Wake up on the side of the road. Check foursquare to discover I’m the mayor of the “The Bench on the corner of Cesar Chavez and San Marcos St.” I’d feel bad about it except I hit my new high score in the process!

 

March 19, 2012
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