Last week, struggling through a painful day because I attended Brown Sugar (no – not my skin tone, but the party AASU and SABA throw each semester – it would be pretty weird and somewhat intriguing if I attended my skin tone, but that’s not the point), I realized something: I only have two columns left during my time at HBS.
Take a deep breath and relax. It startled me too, and I am sorry for bringing it up. Many of you are inevitably reading this in class – maybe the look of panic on your face will indicate to your professor that you are still afraid of being cold called.
Once again, deep breaths.
Tasked with so little time, and so much to say I want to use this column as somewhat of a public service announcement for all of the loyal readers out there.
Let’s begin, shall we.
For the RCs – here’s a helpful tidbit as you are preparing to select classes for next year. Sure, you can select classes with the intent of learning something or furthering your passions. But let’s be honest – if you’re passions require you to take 10 courses over a full year, you probably have ADD. Subsequently, you should start focusing on what you really want. By narrowing your desires, you have room to take courses that can help your dating life. For example, men should be taking Education in Entrepreneurship. This class could also be called: “The one course at HBS that surely will have more women than men. And most likely, hot women.” Now, that sounds like a fun course!
Ladies, sweet ladies, I have not forgotten about you. Have you heard about behavioral investing? VCPE? Both sound like winners to me! And hey, if you like the course material, you’ll probably be wealthy, and then you’ll attract men like me (for the student debt purposes I mentioned last week).
Everyone should enroll in negotiations –especially with Professor Wasynczuk (yes, his last name is awesome). Negotiations is eye opening for dating. The most important take away from the course is discovering the strength of your BATNA (best possible alternative). Being able to understand your options for dating, what you can achieve, and where you will be shut down literally changes your approach to life.
Also – don’t select 8:30am courses on the Y schedule. You’ll regret it after every single club party. And let’s face it, if you’re single and looking to mingle, you need to go to those.
Final piece of advice: ASK ME TO NEWPORT. I AM A GREAT DATE. WE CAN GET A TICKET OFF THE SECONDARY MARKET (yes, bold and caps together – a dangerous combination – indicate my sincere desire to go).
Next up, some closing thoughts for professors. First off, I love you all, especially my current five who still have yet to give me grades. Yes, professors YOU can help facilitate dating on campus as well.
Select group assignments for students. Allowing us to pair off into our groups is fun, and I really enjoy working my friends, but here’s the thing about my friends: they are my friends – we’ve already explored whether we could date, and sadly, that answer is no. Moreover, I don’t have the courage to ask random attractive EC female to be in my group because that’s kind of awkward. SO – you can help bridge this gap.
We all know that professors go through our classcards for cold calls and what not. Well, why don’t you use your random stalking of students for something other than embarrassment. By aligning groups based on mutual interests and relationship status, you can be the bridge we need to meet new people. Subsequently, it’s not so hard to ask someone to dinner if you’ve just come up with a social strategy on how to save a company together, right?
And to staff (first off, I should give a shout out to the IT staff in Spangler – in addition to being readers, they are easily the most helpful group of people on campus), you should force students locked out of their rooms to have to wait a little bit longer to get help. Forcing students to find another place to sleep is not always a bad thing. Actually, the HBS staff rocks. Keep doing what you do.
So, there you go. I’ve given you a public service announcement. And now, over the next two weeks, it’s time to say goodbye.