The First Annual Kwamas

Ladies, Gentlemen, and Heiresses, I welcome you to HBS’ first annual Kwamas!

According to the latest BGIE case, the Kwamas originated in ancient Egypt. Started by a dateless pharaoh, the Kwamas served as a way for the advanced civilization to award its most beautiful citizens. The Kwamas’ Afterparty, hosted by Vanity Fair, doubled Ancient Egypt’s GDP, as well as increased trade relations with European nations.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) because of the significantly skimpier clothing worn in Ancient Egypt, the metrics for success were a little different, but the modern day Kwamas have made the adjustment. Now the Kwamas are at the same time a way for me to deflect questions on how I could have written a dating column for the year yet still be single, and a way to applaud the romantic successes of our classmates. Using these two criteria, we’ve brought the Kwamas back. More importantly, with HBS’s endowment falling lower than Jesse James’ reputation, the earned revenue from the Kwamas is much appreciated.

So to gauge student response, here’s what I did. With the help of our freshly minted EiC Lavanya Manohar and her cohort Matthew Grayson, as well as all the sexy Harbus reps, we circulated a poll to sections. Unlike most HBS polls, we shied away from asking about whether you were free on Monday, January 24, 2018 to go on a reunion trip to Bangladesh; similar to most HBS polls, we did ask about your feelings.

The five questions distributed were:

Your favorite HBS Couple
Hottest HBS Couple
Most Eligible Bachelor
Most Eligible Bachelorette

Any thoughts you’d like to share on dating: The responses were overwhelming, with more than 100 students giving me their input. Now, once again, sitting in my boxers listening to “I don’t want to lose your love tonight,” I am ready to announce the winners and provide some social commentary as well.

Favorite HBS Couple: Ami Shah (OI) and Anuj Vedak (OI).
If you’re like me and have been less than fortunate with impressing your section mates (in the PG-13 biblical sense) there is still hope. Apparently, some section relationships begin to flourish during the EC year. Intuitively, this makes sense. I can see the girls in my section cringe when I confess to still not knowing what the WACC is in Fin or advise Walmart to start selling luxury items. Thus, whatever attraction they might be feeling normally wanes after spending essentially six days a week together. However, during the EC year this changes; people long for their section experience and suddenly ignorance like mine becomes endearing.

It is not surprising that Ami, who worked for HBS’s favorite financial institution, JPMorgan Chase, is also a member of our favorite HBS couple. Moreover, with Anuj’s peculiar background in marketing, you’ve got to believe he has helped manage the couple’s reputation well.

Other notable couples include: Luke Winston (NA) and Raven Smith (NF), the famous couple who paired off during analytics and highlighted the best way to relieve stress during that horrible period.

Hottest HBS Couple: Jose Carluccio and Joana Neves Dias
These two prove that our international students remain more lustful and hotter than their American contemporaries. Enough said. Viva la romance.

Most Eligible Bachelor: Ed Foy
Before I talk about the biggest thing to come out of Britain since the Beatles and those adorable “Mind the Gap” T-shirts, I want to thank all of my fans (actually, just two of you) who chose ME as your most eligible bachelor. Nevertheless, Mr. Foy is a compelling candidate. Notified of his award, Mr. Foy said this: “I would like to thank my mum for all of her support over the years and for making this dream possible. The opposite sex is still somewhat of a mystery for this young impressionable lad from across the pond, but I still hold out hope of one day finding that special someone.”

Most Eligible Bachelorette: Jacquie Sandberg
Easily, the most competitive category, but Ms. Sandberg caught the metaphorical bouquet to be named HBS’s most eligible bachelorette. Hailing from Miami, Ms. Sandberg’s ascent to elite status is not surprising. Her endearing smile and gregarious personality place her in a class by herself.

Other notables include: Namrata Patel, Nicole Magoon and Ashley Marlenga, all of whom have a standing offer for dinner with me.

And those are the winners!

While it is never easy to say goodbye, I felt I would end my final column with some words of wisdom about dating from HBS students.

HBS’ers need to break out of their shells and start doing more of it!

Guys, be braver about asking girls out! We can’t tell if you’re interested or not. Batting your eyes across the room in section doesn’t count.

Try getting out of HBS – there’s a whole new world out there.

When it comes to dating, everyone needs to stop “hedging”. We all buy multiple call options (in the form of flirting and building enough interest to eventually exercise that option).

Congrats ECs. Have a great summer RCs!

Summary of results

Most popular HBS couple
Ami Shah and Anuj Vedak (OI)
Brett Gibston and
Andrea Ellwood (NC)
Luke Winston (NA) and
Raven Smith (NF)
Jeff Engler and Anna Milanez (NA)
Jose Carluccio (ND) and
Joana Neves Dias (NE)
Aleem Mawani and Yvonne Lin (NF)

Other Notable Responses
Terrence Cheng (NA) and
Ruoxi Chen (NA)
Arvind and Naeem (OE)

Most Eligible bachelor
Ed Foy (ND)
Stirling Cox (NC)
Taire Avbovbo (NA)
Nick Kephart (NA)
Kwame Spearman (NF)
Luke Owings (NJ)
Arjun Ohri (OI)
Jordan Garner (OD)
Cyrus Heidary (NE)
Frederic Genta (NF)
Tyler O’Brien (ND)

Most Eligible Bachelorette
Jacquie Sandberg (NC)
Ashley Marlenga (NI)
Jessica Bell (NJ)
Leila Rastegar (NJ)
Namrata Patel (NF)
Nicole Magoon (ND)

Hottest HBS couple
Jose Carluccio (ND) and
Joana Neves Dias (NE)
Brett Gibston and Andrea Ellwood (NC)

Other Notable Responses
Vikul Goyal (NC) and
Ashley Marlenga (NI)
(after section C and I engagement ceremony)

May 3, 2010
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