Harvard Business School’s Republican Club hereby announces its intention to enroll 100% of MBA students in the club. Details of the plan include the following:
HBS Republican Club officials will visit each section and ask MBA students to join the Republican club by signing a clipboard. Those who refuse will be visited by club officials who resemble cast members from the Sopranos. Intimidated students will quickly sign the clipboard.
As soon as 51% of MBA students have signed the clipboard, all MBA students will automatically be enrolled in the HBS Republican Club.
Club dues of $15 will be added to each student’s term bill. Despite the diverse political affiliation of MBA students, the vast majority of club dues will be donated to Republican political campaigns. Other dues will be used to maintain a private country club for the enjoyment of high-level Republican Club officials.
The program will be aptly named the “MBA Student Free Choice Act.”
The inspiration behind this idea, of course, comes from the Employee Free Choice Act, a bill supported by the Democratic Party which would end workers’ rights to a secret ballot when deciding whether or not to form a union. Instead, workers would be visited by union bosses with clipboards. For those of you who view the secret ballot as a democratic necessity – don’t be dismayed. As Teamsters Boss James P. Hoffa recently remarked, “Since when is the secret ballot a basic tenet of democracy?”
If the Employee Free Choice Act passes the House and the Senate, it will be signed into law by President Obama. Union membership will skyrocket, leading to wage inflation and higher unemployment, as companies will be forced to lay off workers they can no longer afford to retain. Corporate earnings will decline. Many great American companies will slowly begin to resemble General Motors and Chrysler.
This is but one area where President Obama is threatening the health and vitality of the U.S. economy. Other examples:
President Obama’s stimulus bill included the “Employ American Workers Act” which essentially forbids recipients of TARP funds from hiring foreign workers. As Paul Danos, Dean of Dartmouth’s Tuck School of Business, stated recently in the Wall Street Journal, “Here at Tuck — and at many fellow business schools as well — several foreign-born students had their job offers rescinded in response to EAWA.”
President Obama ended a program allowing Mexican truck drivers access to U.S. roads, a decision which violated NAFTA agreements. Mexico has now imposed trade sanctions against the US for NAFTA violations.
Two days after the BGIE case on the WTO and “informal” trade barriers, President Obama’s Energy Secretary threatened to slap a “carbon tariff” on imports from countries that do not regulate carbon emissions. China warned that such a tariff would violate WTO agreements and ignite a trade war.
President Obama’s budget will increase the federal debt by a greater amount in two years than the combined total under all eight years of President Bush.
President Obama’s attack on capitalism is leaving many HBS students very nervous, and for good reason. At a recent meeting with the CEOs from America’s largest banks, President Obama stated, “My administration is the only thing between you and the pitchforks.” Enjoy your summer internships on Wall Street.
If you are no longer feeling the “hope” and “change” of President Obama, you are not alone. The HBS Republican Club invites anyone suffering from a hangover of “Obamamania” to join. But be forewarned: at HBS Republican Club events, your drinks will NOT be paid for by the “richest 2%” of MBA students.
Andrew Kletzing grew up in the Chicago district which produced Democratic Congressional Representatives such as Dan Rostenkowski (sentenced to 17 months in prison for corruption), and Rod Blagojevich (recently impeached as Illinois governor). A veteran of the Iraq war, Andrew supported Senator McCain in the recent Presidential election and will be Co-President of the Republican Club for the 2009-2010 academic year.