How to Reject (or not to reject) Those Job Offers on January 18

January 18 is knocking. The companies are calling. After the courtship that has lasted several months, several negotiations and several sell-dates, it’s time to make that awkward rejection call. You want them but not crave them. You want to say no but not burn bridges. You want to come across as polite not deceitful. Yet, it’s their competitor you pine for.Well, Harbus has come to your rescue!

Here’s how to reject (or not to reject) those job offers you have surprisingly managed to bag.

1) Job offers are like girls. I go off them after the chase.

2) Things have changed. Your stock has dropped 40% in the last four months.

3) I demand a salary commiserate with my expensive HBS experience.

4) My play station needs me more than you do.

5) I only attended your presentation at Charles Hotel for the free sushi and the Chinese rolls.

6) I say no! Ha! That’s what you get for torturing me with all those case study interviews.

7) Did you know that I had a reputation for submitting innovative expense receipts in my previous job?

8) It’s your fault – why isn’t your stock over 700 yet?

9) My sources tell me that there are no ex- playboy playmates in your company.

10) My life is too complicated right now.

11) I have realized that organizing parties for the European Club is a lot more fulfilling than making financial models.

12) Let’s be friends instead – I have a commitment problem.

13) I can’t! Religious reasons.

14) You chucked out the CEO this year – I don’t think you will tolerate my free spirit either!

15) Why don’t you grow a bit more and come back ask me next year?

16) I’m confused as to what I want and who I’m looking for right now. I don’t want to hurt you in the process of discovering who I am and who I am going to be.

17) I have spent the winter break smoking in the Caribbean..that has made me step back and reevaluate my priorities in life.

18) Thanks for inviting me to the company sell day. I particularly enjoyed meeting your wife – I think she fancied me.

19) With you? Look at you!

20) Why did you IPO last year? You should have waited till I joined the firm!

21) I like you but I am not in love with you.

22) Maybe I am just not a day job kinda person.

23) Ray Bradbury is my hero. He said, ‘You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.’

24) One more question during those hell week interview marathons, I would have called security!!

25) I heard that you do not have good coffee in the office.

26) It’s not you. It’s me.

27) I told you I am not a NYC/ San Francisco/ LA/ London kinda person. I lied!

28) No point. The country is going to go into recession anyway.