I Prefer Eternal Darkness to Light
The other day the wild turkey wandered off its regular course near Burden and found itself in the back garden of Dean Light’s impressive house. Curious, the turkey snuck into Light’s dining room through a back window. Dean Light was at the dinner table with 5 HBS students. Undetected, the gobbler managed to get close enough to eavesdrop on the conversation. What happened next was later described by the wild turkey as unmitigated trauma. Dean Light started speaking about how HBS publishing makes money. While initially engaged, five minutes into the uninterrupted monologue, the wild turkey was taken over by a painful sensation. the head and neck of the turkey swelled and a sudden rush of blood went down the fleshy flap on the turkey’s bill. The turkey’s wings picked up a drumbeat and it quickly flew threw the back window, sprinted across the garden, jumped over the fence, and didn’t stop until it found refuge in a dark corner of the Burden auditorium.
Moral of the Story: Nobody can stand an uninspiring monologue
It was hell week for ECs. The wild turkey of course has no conception of hell (or heaven). On a crisp Nov 1 morning, the wild turkey spotted an eager and smartly dressed EC walking to a McKinsey interview. Perhaps it was the glare from the EC’s moussed hair or the gloss of his Oxfords, something reflective caught the wild turkey’s eye. The turkey made a clucking sound and ran towards the EC. Nonchalant, the EC stood his ground and even threatened to charge back. Undeterred, the turkey jumped on the EC, forced him on the ground, and starting pecking on his forehead. Initially, the EC screamed in agony but about 15 pecks into the confrontation, a strange calm possessed the EC. He just lay on ground while the turkey pecked on his forehead. According to at least 10 passerbies it was only after about 100 pecks that the turkey got bored and strutted back to its usual spot near Burden. By many accounts, the EC remained on ground for at least 10 more minutes and then he woke up. With his suit muddy, his forehead bleeding, the EC just smiled, took a long breath and instead of taking a cab to DoubleTree, calmly walked back to his OWA apartment. He changed into his PJs, brewed a cup of tea, and watched Top Chef Marathon for the next 3 hours. When interviewed later by a Harbus correspondent, the EC described the episode as follows, “What happened to me on that fateful morning can only be described as a religious experience. It is funny and even fitting that it happened during hell week you know. I mean I was all set to ace the McKinsey interview and join the world of management consulting you know.but now I just don’t feel the urge anymore.
Moral of the Story: The wild turkey can save you from a wretched life as a McKinsey consultant
Two more Wild Turkey Parables next week.