Skeletor, Beast Man Call It Quits

After a turbulent marriage fraught with allegations of abuse, Beast Man filed for divorce from Skeletor on Friday, citing “irreconcilable differences.” His lawyer refused to comment. However, it appears that no spin-doctor could save Beast Man from attracting controversy. On Saturday, self-described moral crusader He-Man appeared on the Space Ghost talk show to denounce their divorce, calling Skeletor and Beast Man “evildoers.” An anonymous caller, later revealed by computer analysis to be the voice of Beast Man, defended the divorce. Transcript follows:

Space Ghost: Hi, you’re on the air.
Caller: I would just like to say that I’ve been a fan of Beast Man all my life, and if there’s no longer love in a marriage, then they have a right to get a divorce.
He-Man: I bet they didn’t even try marriage counseling.
Caller: Beast Man tried to go, but Skeletor kept bullying m-him! You don’t know what it’s like to live in fear of the one you love!
He-Man: Beast Man, is that you?
Caller: Oh, just shut up, Adam. What the **** do you know about commitment?
Space Ghost: Adam?
He-Man: [gasp] I need to go.
Zorak: Hehehehe!

Through a spokesperson, He-Man later confessed to leading a double life as Prince Adam, a royale celebre whose lifelong marriage-less relationship with companion Cringer has often been criticized by the media.

Divorce, while only illegal in a few countries such as the Philippines, still carries a social stigma in many societies. Other recent high-profile divorces include those of Woody and Little Bo Peep and the volatile, public custody battle between Donkey and Dragon.

February 5, 2007
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