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Doctor, doctor

Post-Rumor migrane
All the lights are too bright, the professor is speaking far too loudly and it is really hard to read the exhibits. Coffee will not help, you’re going to have to resort to some serious Advil and possibly wearing sunglasses in glass. If you’re on Skydeck, you may be able to grab a nap during the third class of the day. Particularly severe cases may include temporary deafness from dancing right next to the speaking, and mysterious bruises/sprained ankles from falling out of taxis.

Blackberry-related Attention Deficit Disorder
Inability to concentrate on anything (class, conversation, exam) for more than two… hold on, I think I just heard a beep… sorry, what was I saying?

Recruiting schizophrenia
To your friends, you are the epitome of laid-back cool: never taking life to seriously and certainly not doing much studying. However, put you in front of an interviewer and suddenly you become a paragon of earnest, blue-eyed work ethic. Maybe it has something to do with wearing a suit, or perhaps you really are that shallow.

Pre-formal anorexia
This terrible affliction will strike half of the girls of the RC, as they avoid the burritos and pizza in the Grille in favour of three lettuce leaves and a black coffee, in order to fit into that stunning dress for Hollidazzle/Newport. All the hard work will then be undone by an evening standing by the chips and dip at the post party and playing beer pong.

Post-Spring-Break psoriasis
How many people told you not to lie in the sun? How many people told you to put on some sunblock? You just wouldn’t listen, would you? Now everyone in section has to watch your entire epidermis slowly peel off over the first week back.
(This one is pretty much universal the week after spring break among all the pale-skinned RCs: going from snowy Boston to the Caribbean is a definite health hazard.)

Karaoke-related loss of voice
You have your hand up for the perfect comment (the one that shows to the entire world that you have read at least the first two paragraphs of the case) the Prof calls on you, you prepare to launch into your articulate and well-reasoned argument and… . You really should not have spent last night in a hot smelly bar screaming Madonna and Abba songs at the top of your voice. Not just because your throat will hurt all day, but someone will undoubtedly have taken an embarrassing photo…

Section Retreat amnesia
What conversation? I don’t remember saying that. I’m sure I never said that about him. When was this? Wrestling whom? I definitely don’t remember that. What do you mean, you have it on video..?

NEG-related Course Platform phobia
All-consuming dread of even glancing at the course platform due to the fear of seeing yet another time-consuming negotiation exercise followed by an incomprehensible poll to fill in by… oh dear, missed it.

End-of-year conjunctivitis
Emotional speeches from your LCA professor, class gifts, ‘last learning team dinner’ hugs. No, really, it’s just something in my eye…

Spangler-lawn-on-sunny-day Paralysis
A total inability to move, particularly in the direction of cases, when lying on the lawn on a sunny day watching the cute guys from your section play Frisbee. If this affliction coincides with an outdoor TGIF it may can become completely incurable.

May 7, 2007
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