Crap Epithets

Every once in a while, someone says something in a few words which expresses an idea so profound, so complete, that those words are written down and remembered forever. On the other hand, sometimes people say something banal, trite or just plain mystifying and for some reason people think it is worthy of dissemination, instead of just politely ignoring it. Just because someone is powerful, famous or dead does not mean that every syllable to pass their lips is worthy of notation.

Here is a small selection of the baffling, boring and just plain obvious quotes that are readily available to anyone with access to Google:

“A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.”
Mark Twain should not be allowed pets

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”
Jane Austen does her bit for female emancipation

“I believe the choice to be excellent begins with aligning your thoughts and words with the intention to require more from yourself.”
Oprah Winfrey makes self-help less helpful

“I think it needs realness, you should speak on things that you know about, that you being from, that you experienced or that you been around, you know.”
Obie Trice shows that rap can reach the real people

“Live Free or Die”
New Hampshire outlines our full range of options

“Happiness sets you free”
Pizzaman aka Fatboy Slim aka Norman Cook: the king of the feel-good meaningless quotes

“Never explain, never apologize”
Benjamin Disraeli gives some advice that I hope will not be taken to heart by the FIN2 teaching faculty

“Live with passion but without desire, climb the mountain without intending to.”
My yoga teacher trying to be profound (and failing)

“He with whom neither slander that gradually soaks into the mind, nor statements that startle like a wound in the flesh, are successful may be called intelligent indeed.”
Confucius at his most confusing

“How now? A rat? Dead, for a ducat, dead!”
William Shakespeare sometimes got it wrong

“The snotgreen sea. The scrotumtightening sea.”
James Joyce also really screwed up a few times

“I rejoice in my spine, as in the firm audacious staff of that flag which I fling half out to the world.”
Herman Melville should have stuck to whales

“After all, the chief business of the American people is business.”
Calvin Coolidge should come teach BGIE

“I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we’re really talking about peace.”
George W. Bush (OK, too easy)

“Lo! The poor Indian, whose untutored mind sees God in clouds, or hears him in the wind.”
Alexander Pope was a bit old fashioned

“I have made good judgments in the Past. I have made good judgments in the Future.”
Dan Quayle (OK, way too easy)

“It’s tough at the top”
My mother trying to make me do stuff I didn’t want to do

If these results do not answer your question, please enter it again
Search engine on a popular software company website manages to be as unhelpful as it is possible to be

“Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.”
St. Francis of Assisi should maybe not bother so much with the words

And a few great ones…

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
Oscar Wilde

“Unless you want to screw me, why do you care what I look like?”
Eminem on racism

“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
Oscar Wilde

“Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.”
George Bernard Shaw

February 20, 2007
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