Clock Watching

Following my previous article regarding sex on campus, I have been on the receiving end of numerous questions, the most common being ‘Does it really go on?’ (Answer-Yes) and ‘How do they find the time?’ The aim of this article is to answer the second, with some tips and suggestions and strategies for the lonely student.

So, how does one find time for sex in the whirlwind of activity that is the HBS curriculum? Leaving aside the question of it taking varying times depending on how lucky you are in your choice of partner, I have come up with some approaches based around the time-honoured concept of multitasking; how to combine sex with various common HBS activities.

Flirting in class
I do not know if it is just my section, but this seems to have been on the rise recently. It started with a gradual increase in the number of innocent comments being taken the wrong way, signalled by a rumble of dirty laughs around the rooms. Honestly, what anyone can find funny about the words ‘That just didn’t satisfy me’ or ‘slot bandit’ I cannot imagine. It has, however, developed into full-blown declarations of intent, by which I mean a trend of preceding class comments directed at a section mate with the comment “By the way, I like you” or “I don’t like you.” Strange, yes, but definitely a time saver.

I am fully expecting this progression to continue, with comments such as “I disagree, you should have used the asset beta rather than the equity beta,” and “By the way I will be coming over to your place at around 9” or “Building on your earlier point, I think we should be looking at customer segmentation, and yes I would love to have dinner with you tonight.”

Case prep and seduction
Picture the scene-you are sitting with the object of your affection at one of the darker corner booths in the Grille, around 9pm, your laptop casting a subtle romantic glow across both your faces as you demonstrate your skill at using excel without touching your mouse. Combining case preparation with both dinner and flirtation has the advantage that if you are hooking up with someone smarter than you, you will steal some of their more insightful comments for class, have a little after-hours fun and still be back in your room in time to finish your cover letters.

Sex and community involvement
Join a committee! You will have a chance to meet people from different sections, have an excuse to call them to discuss whatever event or project you are working on, and can even schedule a committee meeting if you have not seen them for a while. Social committees are particularly good, for obvious reasons, and if you can manage to get your self elected to a position of power you will have the added bonus of a sexy air of authority.

Sex and charity work
Sleep with an American. Just joking.

Sex and job-hunting
Date someone from the industry, and ideally from the company to which you are applying. Consulting companies are good for this-they will be able to expense dinner with you to their recruiting budget, help write your cover letter and you can combine interview practice with your Friday night date.

An alternative approach is to hook up with people at networking events, but be careful that you do not accidentally put yourself out of the running for the job in the process. Slapping the head of HR on the ass while shouting ‘Who’s your daddy?’ may seem a good idea after several rounds of free drinks, but consider the impression you are making on the rest of the company. Similarly, successfully seducing the head partner of the office you are applying to may seem like the ultimate in killing two birds with one stone, but consider whether he will seriously extend a job offer if it risks bumping into you with his wife at the next Christmas party.

Sex and studying for finals
OK, there probably is not a way to actually combine these, but you can try sleeping with one of your professors to improve your grade.

Lastly, the best timesaving approach is to just get on with it. The RC schedule is not conducive to long, subtle flirtations. You do not have time to build up from lingering looks across Spangler auditorium, chance encounters at a tailgate and a bit of drunken salsa dancing at Hollidazzle. You probably do not have time to even try with anyone outside your section, as if you miss your chance you may not even bump into them again for several weeks. Black Monday has come and gone, so your options should have expanded. In the words of a certain ethically dubious footwear company.Just do it!

January 16, 2007
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