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The Section IM Basketball Experience: OG Starts Season Firing on All Cylinders

In a stunning display of sportsmanship, OG defeated OI 31-22 Tuesday night, January 24, without a single punch thrown nor ill word exchanged.

“I was expecting a bunch of jerks,” said Lane Walker (OI), Texas Ranger, “But they were real gentlemen and men of sport.”
OG jumped to a quick 12-7 and extended its lead to 22-11 by halftime. Led by the fearsome threesome of Bernard “When are you signing?” Parker, Clay “Ambiturner” Cowan and Jason “HP-12C” Giordano, OG dominated the paint, scoring not-quite-at-will but close and limited OI’s second-chance opportunities. HBS’ Otey Smith opened the second half with three, quick steals and a three-pointer as OG extended its lead. Aaron “I (heart) Crimson Greetings” Montgomery continued the scoring with several (two) floaters in the lane as OG earned a 7-2 run over the first 17 minutes of the second half. David “John Hollinger” Cho contributed once again by pacing OG in points-scored-per-open-look-from-17-feet-at-the-top-of-the-key (pspolf17tok).
This game was most notable, however, for OG’s uncharacteristic display of sportsmanship throughout the game.

“For the first time since I can remember, the game ended and both teams were complimenting each other on a good game played,” said OG super-fan Elizabeth “My BF Said I Could Comment in This Article” Lara. She asked, “Is that what happens in normal games?”

“I really think it’s a case of the team mellowing out,” said sociologist Jeff “Open and Shut” Case. “To quote Montel Jordan, ‘You see, the hood’s been good to me, ever since I was a lower-case G, but now I’m a big G, the girls see I got the money, hundred-dollar bills y’all.’ With their run to the title game last year, they feel respected, like big Gs, and they’ve gained a little perspective.”

“It was just good to put the off-season behind them and focus on basketball,” said team coach/mascot Eric “Chewbacca” Sager.
The game marked the end to a tumultuous off-season for OG. Rumors swirled that Parker would turn pro after his stellar freshman year where he led all newcomers in fantasy points per game. Persistent allegations of drug-dealing, however, dropped the draft stock of the former Pfizer salesman, and he ultimately returned for his senior year. Meanwhile, team captain Cowan spent the entire off-season in a contract dispute with management. Negotiations stalled when Cowan demanded language for a call-up to the A team, but he was ultimately rebuffed and returned to the B team.

“Just throw me the damn ball,” said Cowan at a press conference.
Team stalwarts Cho, Giordano, Montgomery, and Smith were all re-signed to one-year contracts despite frequent appearances by Asian team members on the banquet circuit.

Next game: Tuesday, January 31, 6:30 p.m. vs. NE.

Participants: Aaron Montgomery, Bernard Parker, Clay Cowan, Dave Cho, Jason Giordano, Thomas Smith and Eric Sager.

January 30, 2006
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