HBS Club Dominates Georgetown MBA Basketball Tournament

HBS’ Basketball Club won the prestigious 17th Annual Georgetown MBA Basketball Classic last weekend, winning five consecutive tournament games from a field of 25 teams. HBS emphatically beat the University of North Carolina in the championship game 65-51 in front of an announced crowd of 6,500.

“Look, it was my birthday weekend,” said John “No He Didn’t” Kirkowski (OD), who finally turned 21 on February 17 and co-president of the Hoops Club. “When you turn 21, you feel like you can do anything and there was no way I was coming home without putting on a show and helping my team get the hardware.”

The team was led by Kirkowski, as well as two first-year students: Matt “Get Off Me, Son!” Christensen (NJ) and Seth “Generation Next” Blackley (NE). Christensen was an absolute force on both sides of the court and helped Kirkowski battle tough interior-led squads from Tuck, Georgetown, and Stanford the first day of games.

While Christensen’s play was spectacular, he will best be remembered for his polite on-the-court discussions with opposing teammates, especially those from Stanford. Moreover, Matt’s incredible play was somewhat lost amid rumors that he has given up basketball to pursue a burgeoning acting career. When asked about the rumor, Christensen was strangely ambiguous.

“I love the game of basketball, but I feel that basketball has stifled my creative side to a certain extent,” commented Christensen. “I need time to sort things out and won’t comment any further other than to confirm that I am currently an active member of SAG and am in discussions with American Express for a new commercial.”

Fortunately for the squad, Blackley had a breakout performance the second day of the tournament, at times taking over portions of the game with a combination of acrobatic lay-ups and sharp outside shooting. His performance however, did not completely overshadow his questionable decisions off-the-court that weekend.

“So what if I wanted to do ‘the worm’ and show off my dance moves at Smith Point on Saturday night?” barked Blackley in a post-game interview. “The bottom line is that I made a statement this past weekend that my basketball game is definitely deserving enough to earn some sort of leadership position in the HBS Hoops Club next year.”

Blackley’s offensive performance was complemented by a number of notable defensive efforts, including Bo “Powerball” Fishback (OA) finally using his 6’11” frame to rebound and produce steals; Chance “I Can’t Stop Talking” Cuffe (OI) leveraging his veteran experience to get under the skin of opponents as well as multiple referees; Scott “Redford” Spieth (OD); Eric “I love Dirk” Nowitski paralyzing other team’s big men with autographed head shots and physical play (respectively); and Travis “Inspector Gadget” Merrill (OD) doing a lot of the defensive dirty work by continually matching up against the other team’s main scorers.

“I know Seth likes to focus on his individual offensive performance, but team defense won the tournament,” noted Merrill as he quickly left the locker room to catch the next flight to South Africa. “Quite frankly, defense is fun for me, especially when people come out and watch me do it.”

Unfortunately, the team had to deal with a number of off-the-court distractions, including limo rides, open bars, and rumored Powerball gambling. Through it all, however, the team persevered.

“I just can’t say enough about how we pulled it together to win the tournament,” remarked Matthew “Skip to My” Louie (OD), co-president of the Hoops Club. “Everyone sacrificed something to win this thing; for example, I took 20 less shots per game during this tournament, and decided not to wear my AI sleeve for team unity reasons.but that’s what it takes sometimes, and I’m just proud HBS took care of business down in DC.”

Parade details in Cambridge will be detailed at a later date. The trophy will be on display in Shad soon.