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Reflections on a New England Winter

As Spring approaches here in Boston, it’s important to remember a few simple facts:

At 60? F:
Texans wear coats, gloves, and woolly hats.
New Englanders sunbathe.

At 50? F:
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
New Englanders plant gardens.

At 40? F:
Italian cars won’t start.
New Englanders drive with the windows down.

At 32? F:
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Winnapesaukee cools off.

At 20? F:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
New Englanders have the last cookout before it gets cold.

At 15? F:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
New Englanders throw on a “sweatah.”

At 0? F:
Californians fly away to Mexico.
New Englanders take in the flag.

At -20? F:
People in Houston cease to exist.
New Englanders get out winter coats.

At -40? F:
Hollywood disintegrates.
New England Girl Scouts still sell cookies door to door.

At -60? F:
Penguins flee Antarctica.
New Englander Boy Scouts hold “Winter Survival” classes.

At -80? F:
Mount St. Helen’s freezes.
New Englanders rent videos.

At -100? F:
Santa Claus abandons the
North Pole.
New Englanders are frustrated because they can’t thaw the keg.

At -297? F:
Microbial life survives on dairy products.
Cows in Rhode Island complain of farmers with cold hands.

At -460? F-Absolute Zero:
Atomic motion stops.
New Englanders ask: “Cold ’nuff for ya?”

March 28, 2005
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