Averting its worst public relations debacle since admitting there were in fact 5Cs and 3Ps in the standard marketing framework, the HBS Marketing Department announced plans to re-offer a second year Consumer Marketing course. The Department, initially stating that the promotion of legendary Professor Youngme Moon left the team without sufficient resources to teach the class, would eventually discover a ground-breaking solution to the dilemma: cloning Professor Das Narayandas.
The cloning effort was conceived during a simple, juvenile moustache growing contest held by section ND. Several contestants, demonstrating an uncanny resemblance to the venerable professor, provided the inspiration.
“I did not expect to be enlightened when I chose to serve as a judge for Section D’s idiotic facial hair games. I just felt bad for them – it was clear they needed some professional guidance. But then, after studying Tom Connelly’s fu-man-chu for several moments, I realized the solution was quite literally right under my nose”, chuckles a relieved Das Narayandas. “Our department’s prayers have been answered”.
“We’re happy we could help out the Marketing Department on this issue” says contest organizer and section winner for least impressive moustache, Steve Adams (ND). “I fully expect this will revise my grade in Das’s marketing course.”
The $15 million effort, dubbed “Operation Vote for Pedro”, has led to the successful cloning of two human replicas. The complex procedure, which manipulated Professor Narayandas’s own moustache hair, took over three weeks to complete. The clones, named Das I (“Krishnad”) and Das II (“Shevantsu”), are virtually fully functional. Similar to Professor Narayandas, both are versed in Marketing Strategy, Economics, merciless cold-calling, a well-timed sense of humor and Tandoori cooking. Most importantly, despite the intricate procedure, the Operation only had a handful of mishaps. Shevantsu, for example, demonstrates habits of binge partying while Krishnad’s facial hair formation patterns appear to be random and erratic (see picture above).
“These are perfectly normal side effects that I am confident will be rectified in several weeks,” remarked Doctor Diarra Lamar, the mastermind behind and founding father of the moustache-cloning process. “We faced similar issues last year when we tried to clone Chewbacca. I have no doubt they will be ready for first semester.”
“This marks a major step forward for the Marketing Department here at HBS,” commented a proud Professor Narayandas. “It’s a win-win situation. Not only will it allow us to offer a broader base of advanced marketing coursework, helping us shape the most influential marketing minds here at HBS – but the Department is also letting me take Das I and II home! Can you imagine the possibilities? They can do my chores, baby sit the kids or go clothes shopping with my wife. Of course, up to now I’ve been able to rely on Shivanshu Gupta and Krishna Karakala (of ND) for those things, but now I can finally give them a break!
With the Marketing Department back on track, additional cloning efforts are being planned in the Finance and Operations Departments. Two brave Professors – Professors Nabil El Hague and Noel Watson – have volunteered their genes for the cause. Unfortunately, due to limited facial hair accumulation, many expect both projects will be delayed.
Nevertheless, the success of Operation Vote for Pedro has shown that hope – particularly for those rising ECs looking to pressure other departments for more classes they are unlikely to take – is still alive.