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Hey Nudies, Put On Your Clothes! OA Remains Undefeated IM Basketball Champs

I would like to apologize on behalf of The Harbus for the misleading article in last week’s issue suggesting that ND had won the RC basketball championship. It has come to our attention that no such title exists. In addition, following Thursday’s loss to OA, it appears that ND was not worthy of any of the distinction awarded to them in these pages.

So, to the game. OA came out of the gates looking sluggish. Although team motivator Davor Hebel – known to the women of OJ as the Croation Usher – distributed a case of Red Bull to his teammates, something just didn’t seem to click. “It’s hard to get up for a game when you see 90 people in shirts that say Nudie,” said Thomas Benford. “Now you have to add to it that these guys brought a boom-box and were dunking during warm-ups. Well, it was all pretty hilarious. I mean, it is just IM basketball.”

Added James Hobson, “There isn’t much better than beating a bunch of guys who care too much. Fortunately, as hard as they tried, we were a lot better at basketball.” In addition to the boom box and dunking shenanigans (there were, of course, no dunks during the actual game), a member of ND actually dressed up as Panda Man. “While the need for a Panda Man was unclear to most fans – he did not play basketball – it did sort of get in my head,” said Bedii Yucagaolocaguoluololuoa, who was shut out in the first half but scored 36 after the intermission. “I just kept thinking, ‘what is wrong with these guys?’ At one point I actually told Tompkins that we should let them win.”

But team captain Dave Tompkins would have none of that attitude. “I let our guys spot them ten at the half,” he said. “But I wasn’t going to let them win. I mean, come on! We’ve never lost. And as cute as it was that they were so excited to win and all dressed up, a streak is a streak and I didn’t come to HBS to be a loser.”

Coming out of the halftime break and trailing by those ten points, OA intensified its defense and started to make some shots. Led by Baker Scholar-to-be Ross Revenaugh at the point and the steady shooting of honors student Justin Crandall, OA made a charge. “I haven’t seen that many threes since my first semester report card,” said Asian off guard Jeff Liaw. Five minutes into the half, OA had assumed the lead and command. Somewhere pandas were crying.

“We knew it was over once we got the lead,” said SoPouncy Park. “It was just a matter of running them out of the building. Plus, our players are hot. Have you seen Dave Pouncy with his shirt off? Amazing.”

Well, this reporter hasn’t, but as hot as OA has been for two straight years, she isn’t sure she wants to. As the nudies learned, when you play with the old A fire, you’re apt to get burned.

April 25, 2005
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