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Sick Student Attends Class, Gets Everyone Sick in the Process

(Spangler 311) Not wanting to miss any more class, extremely sick RC student Eric Tavel attended all three classes last Thursday, and got 90 students, three professors, two guests and a board washer sick in the process.

“I know it’s disruptive to the case method when students miss class,” Tavel said as he blew his nose in an Aldrich alcove. “And since I missed class on Wednesday, I figured I owed it to my classmates to show up on Thursday.”

BGIE Professor Myron Black disagrees.

“I think it’s more disruptive to have a student cough up a lung for 80 minutes straight. But then again, that’s just me. Maybe I’m too old-fashioned,” Black mumbled as his secretary checked his temperature – the old-fashioned way.

Numerous classmates concurred with Black as they all sat in HUHS in Cumnock.

“I’m sorry, but if you’re oozing so much puss that you go through a whole box of tissues before all of Porter’s Five Forces are written on the board in STRAT, I think you should stay home,” asserted Karen Klaus, who is hoping she gets some Codeine so she can get a good buzz in Costa Rica without having to consume all the calories.

Jimmy Lane, who sat next to Klaus and read a pamphlet on venereal diseases, had a similar reaction. “My philosophy is that if you are sick, suck it up, take the absences and skip class.”

Lane is known for practicing what he preaches, as he missed eleven days of class last semester with an ingrown toenail.

Tavel, changing his story, had this to say: “I pay like $400 bucks a course. If my parents were paying for it like they did in college, then ‘Hell yah, let’s stay home and get caught up on As the World Turns.'”

“But since they’re not, I’m going to class.”

“Even if the doctor says I’m still contagious. Which I am.”

March 8, 2004
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