News

Real-life Crisis

In a disastrous development, Hopeless Business School has reported that its students have begun to apply course concepts in real-life. Completely blindsided by this shocking development, the HBS administration is now working hard to mitigate the spiraling crisis. Talking to The Harbus on this crisis, Li’l Kim, a senior administrative authority at HBS, said yesterday, “Our mission is to educate future leaders. Specifically on this crisis, I would like to reiterate that, well, uh, yeah, we educate future leaders. My associate will handle the rest of this interview.”

To present a balanced opinion on the crisis, your intrepid reporter interviewed several students. This was not an easy task, as your reporter had to first convince them that they would not receive a regret letter. The students seemed to maintain an objective and nonchalant stand on the issue. As Heineken Sixpack, (NQ) said, “It’s a long story. It all started when a student from Section L challenged the ethical propriety of running numbers. She reasoned that, in making any decision, one must always consider economic, legal and ethical perspectives; deciding to do numbers was a decision like any other.” While at first, Heineken’s line of thinking seemed a bit obfuscating, a little reflection made matters clear as a crystal. If one thinks about it, the decision to do numbers does leave a lot to be desired on the ethical front. After all, the class is made up of students from all walks of life, from banking to well, non-banking. The bankers, with their natural bent for making fudged numbers sound real, pretty much pull any number out of the air and make it sound right. All the while, the innocent non-bankers sit in silent admiration, struggling to follow the line of thought. Cutting a long story short, the bankers get good participation grade at the cost of the non-bankers. Given that good grades at HBS lead to higher-paying jobs, this is obviously a case where ethical considerations are compromised for economic considerations. The conscientious bankers, realizing their sin, moved quickly to make amends, abandoning numbers and focusing their efforts on the more ethically sound Terms of Endowment.

The last we heard from the HBS administration on the crisis is that they are currently considering the economic, legal and ethical repercussions involved. They expect to come up with a fair solution in the coming decades.

H-BS is a parody section of Harbus Humor. Jessica Tornek (OH) wrote the “Power Abs” piece, and Marc Teillon (OF) wrote the rest. with the exception of “Real-life Crisis”, which was submitted by an anonymous contributor.

April 20, 2004
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