On Campus Interview Series: The Midwestern Marvel

This week’s interview subject is none other than Bruce “Meat” Sutter (OQ). This apotheosis of Midwestern charm hails from Chicago, Illinois, and has made a name for himself on the basketball courts at Shad. H-BS found Bruce in a Spangler project room, waxing eloquently about “da’ Bears” and why Dale Earnhardt is the greatest NASCAR driver ever. We interrupted our Midwesterner’s fascinating excursus to have a Coke and a bit of a chat about his sporting career so far at Harvard.

Fact File: Bruce ‘Meat’ Sutter
Height: 5 feet 10 inches
[Editors note – really 5’8″, but no one
man ever admits he’s 5’8″, unless he’s
actually 5’6″]Weight: 207 pounds
Eyes: Brown
Hair: Black
Marital Status: Nothing serious, but
currently hooking up with a hot BU
undergrad [Editors note – not hot
Harvard undergrad]Favorite Food(s): Polish sausage
Favorite Drink: Capri Sun
Favorite Film: The Lizzie McGuire Movie
Favorite Book: “Satisfaction: The Art of
the Female Orgasm” by Kim Cattrall
Favorite Band: Oingo Boingo
[Editors note – we prefer Mojo Nixon]Nickname: Meat

How Acquired Nickname: This girl gave it to me in high school. I was pretty proud of it until I found out that she’d also given Kent Barrett his nickname “Lefty.” [Editors note – Kent has no left arm] Unfortunately, Meat has stuck with me ever since.

H-BS: What HBS sports team do you represent?
Meat: Old Q B-side intramural basketball team.

H-BS: What position do you play?
Meat: I don’t actually play.

H-BS: What do you mean you don’t play?
Meat: Well, I play when the other 12 people on the team are tired. But they never get tired.

H-BS: So what do you do at games then?
Meat: I keep score.

H-BS: The scorekeeper – what does that entail?
Meat: When someone scores, I record the points.

H-BS: That sounds promising. Please elaborate.
Meat: It’s easier to explain with an example because it’s kinda complicated. Say New T is playing Old Q. And say someone on New T scores. First, I add two points to the manual scoreboard for New T. Then I yell to the bench for New T – “Who scored that?” And then someone on New T yells back his name. For simplicity sake – say the guy’s name is “Kristofer von Magnusson.” So I look on the score sheet for either “Kristofer” or “Magnusson” or “von,” and when I find it, I add two points to his name. Now it might sound simple, but I also have to keep track of points by half. And fouls. And the whole three-pointer concept adds an addition layer of complexity.

H-BS: Tell us about your best scorekeeping moment in Shad?
WS: It was my first full game back in the day when Old Q was New Q. We were playing New Z. And some guy “Tim” from Z hits a three pointer. And while I was changing the scoreboard, this “Sykes” guy from Z stole the in-bounds pass and made an easy layup. And when I went to record the individual points, I was like ‘Holy crap, was it Tim or Sykes who made the “3?” I think it was Tim, but I’m not sure.’ A lesser scorekeeper would’ve just guessed and compromised the integrity of the score sheet. But I’m not a lesser scorekeeper. I totally kept my cool, took a deep breath and asked someone on Z – “Who made the 3-pointer?” They told me it was Tim. And I was like, ‘I thought so but just wanted to make sure.’ So Tim got his three points and Sykes his two. And everyone was happy.

H-BS: And your worst moment?
Meat: This year during Old Q’s game with Old R, I wasn’t paying attention and accidentally gave two points to Old R instead of my own team. The ref blew his whistle at me and said “Hey Meat, you gave the wrong team the points.” I was just so embarrassed I wanted to die. So I started therapy. Now I blame everything on my parents.

H-BS: What’s the biggest challenge of being an athlete at HBS?
Meat: Choosing between seeing speakers like Tom Ridge and my B-side basketball duties.

H-BS: What wins out?
Meat: B-side basketball. I’ve made a commitment to my team to keep score. I can’t let them down. Whose gonna do it if I’m not there? Clint? Steve? Someone on the other team?

H-BS: Calm down Wong. What are the benefits of being a B-side basketball player for Old Q?
Meat: The team tee-shirt. On the front it reads “Old Q is in Da’ Mother F’ing House” and on the back it reads “Eat, Drink and Be Fat and Drunk.” It’s sponsored by Budweiser.

H-BS: Thank you for your time Meat.
Meat: Thank you, H-BS.

February 23, 2004
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