News In Brief

Business School Essay Advice Available

Just in case any students have just been attending HBS classes all semester but didn’t actually get in to HBS, a flier currently posted in the basement of Aldrich provides a helpful phone number you can call to get advice on your business-school application essays. Hurry; the R2 application deadline is just a few weeks away.

MBA Fellowship Recipients:

Please check your email for information regarding your fellowship awards for 2004-2005. If you didn’t receive the information, email If you didn’t receive a fellowship, well ha-ha-ha Mr. “I’m Such a Big-Shot Investment Banker at age 24”. You shouldn’t have saved all of that money and lived frugally; instead, you should have wasted it on whisky and sluts. The fact that you’re going to go work with orphaned baby seals after graduation does not move us. Enjoy paying back all those loans, sucka’ !(12/7/04) remove

Professor Distributes Course Evaluations; Donation Envelopes

A professor recently had more than just course evaluations to distribute after the last class; a small envelope was also distributed to each student. “We’ve been through a lot this year, class. Joy and pain. Sunshine and rain,” the self-addressed, non-stamped envelope said, “It was an honor to teach you, and I learned just as much from you as you did from me. Well, OK, clearly not, but you are special to me! I think. Won’t you prove to me just how special you are by contributing a nominal donation to my ex-wife fund? Your support means so much to me! Of course, all donations may be made anonymously. However, those of you who wish to not remain anonymous might be receiving a pleasant surprise in your course-grades in January, wink, wink. Oh, and if you feel that you don’t have time to stuff this envelope full of moolah because you have to fill in the course evaluation, don’t bother: where do you think Spangler gets all of its recycled toilet-paper from?”

Students Struggle to Get In Last-Minute Participation

Approximately 50% of HBS students’ grades depends on their ability to participate in class, and, with the end of classes soon approaching, desperate taciturn students are struggling to get in some last-minute points. Students have thus-far gone to extreme techniques to avoid cold-calls: some stare right into the prof’s beady little eyes and will them not to call on them, using the power of their minds. Other students “drop” something and duck under the desk to “reach” for it, just in time. “Sure, I’ve lost a few pens and gone through a few laptops that way, but it’s well worth it to avoid the dreaded c-c, that’s what I always say,” confessed an anonymous student. However, with the semester ending, the success of these very techniques may be coming back to bite some students in the ass. Desperate to get in some last-minute participation, some recent comments have been: “I’d like to build on what Jen built on in her constructive, you might even call it ‘building’, comment”, “I have a technical question that is actually related to another class but I hope you won’t notice”, and “Tiger-teams go ROAR!”. Results of these comments are pending.