Members of the HBS Democrats Club returned to campus last week, filled with the very same passion and delusion that led them to begin their club last year.
“Even though it’s only our second year of existence, we’re not letting that stop us from employing advanced recruitment techniques to round up all those closet Democrats out there!” exclaimed club officer Keanu Glohair, “For example, we recently used reverse psychology, cleverly sending out an e-mail entitled, ‘Whatever you do, don’t show up at this event for HBS Democrats!’ Well, while our detractors may have scoffed at us, that event ended up having a record turn out of five, yes, FIVE people. And I mean five people that wanted to be there and hadn’t wandered into the Grille by mistake! Well, as you can imagine, the other three officers and I were thrilled.”
Another recruitment technique this year will involve some strategic mailbox management. “Last year, we all hoped that the students from the non-profit sector would join our club. Unfortunately, internship recruiters got to them first, and by the time we reached out to them, they were all like, ‘I’m going work in banking this summer and makes lots of money and the poor can kiss my butt’. Which was disappointing. So this year, we’re going to comb every classcard, list every RC student that used to work for a non-profit, and then go to their mailbox every day and remove company presentation fliers. We will then replace those fliers with an ‘Inner-City Squalor Fun Fact Sheet’, as well as the lyrics to kum-ba-yah.”
“With all this work, we might even bring up our membership to 600, or maybe even 800!”, continued Glohair, unwilling to admit that even 6 or 8 members would be a 600% – 800% increase over club membership from last year.