Market Research: Beyond The Event Horizon

This is an excerpt from a real market research study conducted on the Downy fabric softener brand . This was part of a set of instructions given to the ordinary consumers who were being interviewed:

“Now I’d like you to use your imagination to create a short movie or video replica watches uk, maybe a play or a story…whatever works for you . The movie or story should express your most important thoughts and feelings about your experience with Downy and with wearing or using fabrics rinsed in Downy. Your story can be a drama, a comedy, a fantasy…any form of story you wish.

In creating this story, I want you to use at least three characters. Those characters are you, the single most distinctive feature of your recent experience using Downy, and the Downy product.”

This quote inspired me to investigate other cutting-edge market research techniques. The following are some excerpts uncovered by my research.

Technique #1:
Deep movement analysis
“Take a few moments to collect your thoughts about Pennzoil Long-Life(r) Multigrade 15W-40 Motor Oil. Sometime within the next five minutes replica breitling, without telling us when it is coming, please leap up from your seat and perform a 5-8 minute interpretive dance that dramatizes your thoughts and feelings about your experience with Pennzoil Long- Life(r) Multigrade 15W-40 Motor Oil. Your dance may include elements of kabuki, lambada, two-stepping, or heretofore unnamed styles. Do not do the Macarena.”

Technique #2:
Deep performance analysis
“Now I’d like you to use your imagination to create a one-act play starring the puppets in front of you on the table. The play should dramatize your feelings about Hanes V-Necked Undershirts. One of the puppets should represent you, one should represent a Hanes V-Necked Undershirt, and one should represent your torso. One of the three characters should die during the performance. The character may die of natural causes or physical violence, whatever works for you. Just so you know, Hanes V-Necked Undershirts would never commit suicide. Good luck!”

Technique #3:
Deep memory analysis
“Use your memory to recall the details of the death of someone very close to you. Remember the emotions, the pain, the grief. Now imagine that you are sitting at the funeral service for your loved one. Sad music plays, and then Noxzema Wet Cleansing Cloths come to the front to give a eulogy. What is the tone of the eulogy? What is the message? How are the Noxzema Wet Cleansing Cloths dressed? Once you have gathered your thoughts, please stand at the podium and deliver the eulogy that was given to your loved one by Noxzema Wet Cleansing Cloths.”

Technique #4:
Deep conversation analysis
“You are at a fancy dinner party. You are sharing a table with Chewbacca, the nation of Paraguay, Bjorn Borg, Cascade Pure Rinse Dishwashing Liquid, and a saucer that was cleaned by Cascade Pure Rinse Dishwashing Liquid. Occasionally, you receive a surprise visit from a doppelganger who represents you at the age of 14. The doppelganger’s head is severed. Let’s say that the seven of you are having a conversation about the merits of using liquid dishwashing soap rather than crystals. The nation of Paraguay says, angrily, “I will never switch from crystals! What is right for Paraguay is right for you!” Who responds next? How does the conversation evolve?

Technique #5:
Deep affection analysis
“Make love to me in the way that Totino’s Pizza Rolls would make love to me. You may use any of the instruments on the table if you believe that Totino’s Pizza Rolls would use them. Please pay special attention to what Totino’s Pizza Rolls would yell out at the moment of eruption. Do not make sausage jokes.”

Technique #6:
Deep relationship analysis
“Think about your children and your love for them. Think about helping them get dressed in the morning, watching them make a mess at breakfast, seeing them grow and learn, etc. Now imagine that a masked demon breaks into your house, abducts your children, and locks them in a basement dungeon. What does Hubba-Bubba Gum say?”

Technique #7:
Deep attribute analysis
“Write down the top attribute that you associate with Diet Pepsi. Then, walk across the room, hit yourself on the head with this mallet, return to the table, and erase what you wrote.”

Technique #8:
Deep nether analysis
“Pick up the Cinnamon Listerine PocketPak in front of you on the table. Put it in your butt. For the next week, keep a daily journal, writing from the perspective of the Cinnamon Listerine PocketPak in your butt. Keep a separate journal from the perspective of your butt. Keep a third journal from the perspective of The Other. After the week is over, throw away the three journals and kill yourself. Leave a note that describes your most important associations and feelings about Cinnamon Listerine PocketPaks.”

March 8, 2004
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