News

Crimson Greetings, Inc. Announces Product Expansion

Vaunted greeting card manufacturer Crimson Greetings, Inc. (NYSE: CRMG) shocked analysts today during a third quarter earnings call, announcing the bold decision to begin producing bookmarks in the upcoming production cycle. “We believe that the bookmark market is an underserved segment; with the success of ‘The DaVinci Code’ and that book about the Atkins Diet, people are reading more than ever. Reading means books, and books mean bookmarks. The revenue potential is immense,” said Finance/Temporary Production Worker Matthew Bester. “Plus, we’ve got all these friggin’ strips of construction paper that we have no clue what else to do with,” added Business Development/Temporary Production Worker Nolan Johnson.

CRMG, founded in 1988, seems to go into and out of bankruptcy every August, but this time the company is here to stay. Wall Street Analysts are bullish on the new products, which will be emblazoned with encouraging slogans such as “Reading is fun” and “Read! It’s fun.”

Rumors of expansion into the business card market were denied by Procurement/Temporary Production Worker Don Goldman, but he did comment, “That’s a really good idea. I’ll bring that up at the next plenary session.”

September 13, 2004
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