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A Visitors Guide to Aldrich 10

We here in The B get a lot of questions about our classroom, Aldrich 10. Sure, we all know the basics: It’s in the basement. It seats roughly 90. The carpet is a kind of roller-skating-rink-grey. But how does one move around the room? When was it constructed? More information is required in order for a visitor to truly appreciate the charm and learning environment of Aldrich 10.

Therefore, on behalf of Section B, I’d like to present A Tourists’ Guide to Aldrich 10. Please accept our open invitation to visit our fine classroom any time, and employ the following information to augment your classroom experience.

How to move by someone in your row:
Try to slip by, but find yourself blocked? Utter a polite “excuse me.” This person will then abruptly swing their chair into you, whacking you directly in the crotch. Exchange awkward “I know there’s nothing else you can do” glance. Slide by. Repeat for next person. Exit classroom.

How to adjust your seat:
A design element borrowed from the finest Midwestern truck stops, the Aldrich 10 seats are welded to floor. The most recent student that was able to adjust his seat up or down did so because of injuries suffered in the Korean War. Currently, the levers under your chair are essentially just useless metal sticks. However, you may find their presence helpful because you’ll use them for support when leaning forward, since your seat is fixed a comfy seven feet from the desk in front of you.

Protagonist Visits:
Often, the protagonists in HBS cases come to the new classrooms to hear the discussion and offer insights. Unfortunately, we here at HBS do not feel that Aldrich 10 is an appropriate venue for outside guests. Grainy, internet-porn-like web video will be shown in Aldrich 10 to enhance your learning experience.

Temperature Control:
Have a complaint about the Aldrich 10 temperature? Simply send a quick email to HBS facilities management, and consider it done! Your request will be printed out and sent directly to Spangler, where it will be transcribed onto a magic scroll, carried by pigeon to the north pole, re-transcribed into Braille, and examined by monks for pre-approval. Facilities requests are then faxed back to Allston in triplicate, where they are filed according to zodiac sign before being assigned to one of three facilities specialists, who will take your request form, neatly fold it in half, and eat it. Total throughput (MLT) time: 7.3 months. It’s that easy!

Obstacles to Learning:
Aldrich 10 is equipped with the latest in educational technology. We feature a an overhead projector (cost: $99, useful economic life: 155 years, straight-line depreciation, $12 salvage value) in the middle of the room, which does little more than act a severe physical hazard for professors. The following information summarizes the current Aldrich 10 Projector Vs. Professor statistics:

Professor Margolis: Margolis is relatively agile, and can usually avoid the projector’s sharp corners. Only two collisions, both minor.

Professor Gourville: Deceptively fast reflexes. Shows good awareness of projector when walking backwards. Zero collisions.

Professor Wheelwright: Good toughness, but demonstrates trouble avoiding both projector components and power cord. Four collisions, two trips (one major).

Professor Hawkins: Crafty veteran. Seems to have battled projector for thirty years. Uncanny control and awareness around the basic equipment, yet seems unable to avoid power cord. Scouts rate him as highly susceptible to career-threatening injury. Two major trips.
Professor White: Completely unfazed by projector. Zero collisions.

Form and Function:
Enjoying your stay? Don’t forget to glance upwards-the vintage Aldrich 10 ceiling is apparently made entirely of white milk crates. The tradeoff for such stunning aesthetic beauty? It’s paper thin, so you’ll hear every little clap, movement and sigh that takes place in the classroom above you. Try not to act surprised when you hear someone one floor up “building” on the point you just made. To complete the effect, the florescent lighting beams through the white grate with a radiant glow found only in the finest 24-hour pharmacies.

I sincerely hope this Tourists Guide to Aldrich 10 makes your visit more enjoyable. Please deposit bottles and trash in the designated receptacles, and try to hide your jealousy of those who get to sit here every day.

November 15, 2004
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