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Top-7 Things You Will Realize You Stressed Out About Way Too Much

Class of 2005, I have a word for you. As you vigorously debate the merits of property rights in the development of English economic might, shake glitter off of your new line of “Fancy Schmancy” quality cards and revel in the newness of the Red Line, be advised: Things will change.

Crimson Greetings will fade into the TOM Shad exercise, your pristine Aldrich classrooms will come to resemble food courts and all too soon you will fall into a social black hole where everyone whose classroom is on a different floor ceases to exist. That being said, there are a few things you are probably stressing about now that you will come to reflect on as silly, and you should be aware of those now. So, without further ado, I present…

The top 7 things you will quickly come to realize you stressed out about way too much.

7) Section games. When well done, these are hilarious. When done poorly, people get in serious heat. In either case, relax, it could be worse. You could be at Wharton.

6) Study groups. More a social safety net than a socially engineered think tank, these people will serve as your breakfast-mates until Thanksgiving or the FRC midterm, whichever is first. A brief resurgence near the BGIE midterm will be a faint reminder of the hard work you once did for each other. Its most important function (DO NOT TAKE THIS LIGHTLY) is to be a group of cool people you can hang with and chill with every morning over coffee, not a consulting engagement team ready to solve all of Nintendo’s woes.

5) Write-ups: No doubt you will produce some epic tomes chock full of great insights and analyses at first. Some of you will even have write-ups that are almost as long as the cases themselves. By the end of the year, after a wave of massive study group consolidation, there will only be one person still doing write-ups, which will get circulated to everyone. In fact, each year a Sloanie is kidnapped and stashed in a basement closet in the dorm tunnels as a backstop for just that purpose.

4) Creating Modern Capitalism. All you need to know is that they have 7-Eleven’s in Japan and that Toyota rules. Actually, scratch that last part. You will get enough of that in TOM.

3) That guy who plays doom all during class. Now this one is a tough one. Because while arguably disrespectful and rude, no case discussion really NEEDS 90 different opinions. And some people are able to play Super Mario on their Nintendo emulator and still make amazing insights to the discussion at hand. Besides, who are we to say that the ins and outs of manufacturing glow sticks is more important than saving the Princess from Gannon?

2) Section dues. Did no one tell you? Oops, well, guess what? You just hit the reverse lottery. This is the one where you are asked to pay several hundred dollars to support the common good of the section. In advance. In cash. This conversation will inevitably be long and laborious as well, but in the end, what is another couple of hundred dollars to owe CitiAssist?

1) The Texas flag. This is the biggie. It will hang, you will argue, it will stay hung, it will soon blend into the visual assault that is the Aldrich-Model-UN-food-court-cum-classroom. Squint just right and it looks like Chile. And who can stay mad at Chile?

September 2, 2003
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