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That Guy Presents:

What the hell happened? Two days ago I was basking in the warm, warm sunshine of (insert tropical destination here), and now I’m back in the dungeons of HBS eating stale bagels and flicking Reese’s Pieces on that jackass in the worm deck again. It wasn’t all in vain, though. I must confess that my first HBS Spring Break experience has taught That Guy a few lessons that will be invaluable in my future professional and personal endeavors.

Lesson #1
Don’t mix tequila with antibiotics. The inevitable result is a total loss of brain function (which may sound fun, until you remember that the brain also controls such functions as respiration and bladder control).

Lesson #2
Don’t drop the H-bomb on any locals who clearly are not part of the tourism industry. Apparently “Harvard Business School” means “I have $3,000 in my wallet right now, and I am so drunk that I am physically incapable of defending myself” in certain languages.

Lesson #3
For the women-many of you actually looked better with your natural pasty Boston winter skin tone. After eight days of saltwater and tropical sun, some of you now resemble Zsa Zsa Gabor. Apparently, the same goes for the guys. One guy from my section now looks like Boris Yeltsin after a two-month bender in the Sahara.

Lesson #4
If you’re flying back from the Caribbean, don’t offer Milk Bones to the sniffer dogs at Logan for “going easy on you.”

Lesson #5
Don’t believe your friends when they say, “What happens in (tropical destination) stays in (tropical destination).” I’ve already had four random people ask me if I really tried to have sex with a dolphin. Not cool, guys, not cool.

Lesson #6
The less exposure a given body part usually has to sunlight, the more important it is to apply sunscreen. Take my word for it-nothing is quite as painful as a really bad taint-burn.

Lesson #7
Don’t ever challenge an undergrad to any drinking-related game, especially if he or she comes from a southern school starting with “State University of” or ending with “Tech.” You are too old, you will lose, and you might even die.

THAT GUY would like to offer current MBA students a chance to win a special prize. Whoever emails That Guy the most embarrassing and hilarious picture of themselves (or one of their friends) doing something really stupid over Spring Break will get a special gift in their Aldrich mailbox (you will like it-trust me). I promise I will not forward the picture to anyone under any circumstances. Send your entries to: thatguyhbs@yahoo.com

March 24, 2003
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