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Section Olympics Preview from That Guy

HBS is full of great traditions. Whether it’s Holidazzle or the Chili Cook-off or three dudes from Section I asking overly-contrived questions of former Cabinet members in Burden, tradition is what makes HBS the wonderful place that it is. One tradition that has been growing in popularity in recent years is the Section Olympics. For those unaware of what the Section Olympics is all about, you should seriously check your email more often.

Here is a quick preview of the events that await us at the 2003 games:

Opening Ceremonies
o Attendees can expect a fantastic show, as each section parades itself around the room in Burden Hall. Section G, however, won’t be in attendance-apparently it’s 10-cent wing night at the Bus Stop.

Random Games:
o Dodge ball (otherwise known as “peg Section I but leave New K alone”). One special game to watch-Section H will be divided into two groups and will pelt each other ruthlessly. Their LEAD prof will judge the winner.

o Project Build (this is where you take a bunch of random crap and make something that represents your section). The team from Section E are the clear favorites here. Rumor has it the entire section will be sporting their section fleeces (just like every other day) and will make an interesting artifact that only they understand. If the rest of us don’t get it, who cares?

o Quiz Bowl. Section D and E are the teams to watch. This is truly their forte-studying, engaging in intellectual discussions and being nice, decent people in general. Do be wary of certain participants from Section D-according to my top-secret sources, a few unruly members might try to initiate a section cheer (much to the embarrassment of their classmates).

Wack and Field:
o Bat Race (this is where each team member must run circles around a bat until they are dizzy, then try to run to the finish line). The clear favorites here are Section F. If you’ve ever spent much time on a given weekend night with Section F, you will agree that most of their members are pretty damn dizzy already. Therefore, the bat should pose no real threat to their walking / running ability. F will likely celebrate their victory by re-enacting a reality TV show somewhere in Boston (hey Bachelorette-you really should have chosen That Guy).

o Egg toss. There are no clear favorites, but Section A probably won’t even make it past the first round. Evidently, A has finally discovered the identity of the “mole” that ratted them out on that “Phrase That Pays” email at the beginning of the year. Though many months have passed, the wounds have not healed. Look for A to pelt this individual with the entire carton of eggs.

o 3-legged race. Gaurav and the other fab cats of Section B are “defo” the favs here. If you’ve ever seen them (and I mean ALL of them) out on a given Tuesday night, you will agree that they’re pretty much tied to each other already. Expect sharp-looking uniforms from the B crew, potentially involving rhinestones and the word “PLAYER.”

o Egg-on-Spoon Race. Though their men will still be completely hung over from that weekend in Montreal, Section C will win this one by default. My sources from C informed me that at their Charity Auction, some dude in their section dropped like $5,000 on the right to kick the crap out of all of the other egg race teams (among other ridiculous things he bought).

o Eat-off (one guy and one girl will throw down as many twinkies as possible in 10 minutes).

o Section J is clearly the favorite here (and I don’t mean those three wanna-bes from the Larry Summers speech). The real J-ers have certainly proven their ability to consume things very quickly, and rarely if ever choke (IM basketball championships notwithstanding). After claiming victory, J’s President will try to use her connections with the HARBUS editor to get That Guy to write an article about how great J is. No can do, Little Debbie-J ain’t all that. Stick to eating twinkies. .

Closing Ceremonies
o After a long day of watching Section I getting their wheelie-bags pegged with dodge balls, the entire class of 2004 will retire to their respective night spots. For those not familiar with where your section’s after party will be, here’s a quick guide: Section G will (obviously) still be at the Bus Stop, J will be at that girl’s apartment in SFP, B will ALL be at Grafton, C will be in various spots around town (depending on the clique), F will be at Hong Kong, D and E will be at home studying, Section I will be in Baker Library preparing comments for the next visiting dignitary (New K will be at Red Line), and H will be dancing on the stage at Burden. That Guy, however, will be downtown hitting on 18 year-olds.

That Guy would like to ask Section A why their MEN made a nudie calendar, yet their women only offered to take a group picture in “evening wear.” Seriously guys, learn to leverage your real assets. Remember-it’s for charity…

April 22, 2003
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