News In Brief:

Error Results in Seating Card that Reads “Iqbal ‘Iqbal’ Iqbal”
(Aldrich 509) RC student Iqbal Iqbal has only himself to blame for his seating card that reads “Iqbal ‘Iqbal’ Iqbal.” “I guess I didn’t fully understand what the school was asking for when it wanted to know my ‘Preferred Nickname,'” lamented Iqbal. “I just thought the school wanted to know whether I preferred to be called by my first or last name. And I wanted to be perfectly clear that I like to be called by my first name – Iqbal.” Once Iqbal fixes his seating card problem, he is going to move on to his classcard problem, as it currently reads “Iqbal, Iqbal (Iqbal).”

McKinsey Partners on Campus More Than Michael Porter
(Boston) Last week, McKinsey sponsored its 72nd presentation this semester at HBS. Last week, it appeared that Michael Porter was once again not on campus. “McKinsey is on campus so much I wonder when they ever actually consult,” said EC student Mona Howell. “But then again, Michael Porter is a Professor at HBS but is here so infrequently, I wonder when he ever does any teaching.” Despite Porter’s habitual absence and Howell’s having never taken a class with him, she loves telling everyone that Michael Porter is her professor.

RC Females Conveniently Realize EC Males Exist
Just in time for Holidazzle, the first-year women have finally realized that there are plenty of single, sleazy guys in the second year to hook-up with at the dance. “I am so relieved”, said one woman in section H, “I wasn’t sure if there really WERE second years on campus.” An EC male applauded the discovery: “I figured if I hung out around Spangler long enough, the women would finally notice that I exist”. He claims that he was “going to Holidazzle anyway, to hang out with his section.” Right. Good luck to you both.

Student Leaves Class to Use Restroom, Returns with Coffee/Bagel
(Aldrich 413) As RC student Amanda Moneypenny left in the middle of Marketing class last week, her classmates assumed that she was making an emergency trip to the restroom. When she returned twelve minutes later with a cup of coffee and bagel, her entire section was outraged. “This is a clear violation of our section norms,” said Section President Tim Hernandez. “While I probably should confront her about it directly, I prefer to complain about it behind her back for the next week or so and then humiliate her about it during the skits at Holidazzle.” Moneypenny, who was tipped off about Hernandez’s intentions, could “care less.” “I pay fifty grand a year to go to this school,” said Moneypenny. “If I want to get something to eat during class, I’m gonna get up out of my chair, disturb the section and get something to eat.”