News in Brief:

Abby Joseph Cohen Addresses Students of Harvard Business School
(Spangler Auditorium) Noted economist and Chair of the Investment Policy Committee for Goldman Sachs, Abby Joseph Cohen, addressed an excited crowd of would-be financiers at Harvard Business School’s Burden Hall on November 19th. During her half-hour presentation, investment guru Cohen used multiple acronyms and technical terms while instructing audience members to refer to various sections of her 284-page handout of black and white text. Assessments and predictions came steadily in groups of three. Upon completing her presentation, Ms. Cohen graciously opened the floor to questions from the audience. The first, and rather unusual question came from Jason Weeshawazabankar (3rd year, Section L) who, having just awoken from a very deep sleep, accidentally posed a question about brand management and building relationships with customers. Cohen froze and returned, in a strangely hollow voice, “Error 426: Please hit CTRL+ALT+DEL to restart in Safe Mode.” Her head then exploded.

Winter Coming Late. Fails to Call Ahead.
(Boston) Much to the ire of acquaintance Tamer Moussa, Winter Season failed to call ahead to let him know that she was running about 2 months late. “Look, it is not that I am always perfectly on time,” said a testy Moussa, “but when I am running late, even if only a few minutes, at least I have the freaking courtesy to call.” His frustration was compounded by “not knowing what the hell [he] should wear every morning.” When asked about her tardiness, a bewildered Season offered coldly, “last year, [Moussa] bitched that I came early and then bitched even more that I stayed so long. What does this guy want?” When asked what he wanted, Moussa replied, “bikinis.”

Dean Clark Mistaken for Presidential Candidates: Open House in Spangler Oversubscribed 783%.
(Spangler Auditorium) An overflowing, standing-room-only crowd greeted Harvard Business School Dean Kim Clark in Spangler Auditorium Wednesday as he attempted to address the concerns of the student body. Unfortunately, a misplaced comma in the e-mail announcing the event had caused many to believe that they would be hearing from Presidential candidates (Howard) Dean and (Wesley) Clark. The e-mail, which read, “Come to Hardball with Dean, Clark” was similar to ones sent by the Kennedy School Institute of Politics which will play host to both Howard Dean and Wesley Clark in December at “Hardball with Chris Matthews.”

December 1, 2003
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