News In Brief

Changing Electronic Votes Still Funny After Four Weeks
(Aldrich 107) It is just as funny today as it was four weeks ago when that guy in my Real Estate class changed his electronic vote from yes to no to yes again after the professor had already posted the results. “First it was 61 to 29 in favor of lending the money to the developers,” I said. “Then it switched to 60 to 30 and the professor said ‘Someone is changing his vote.’ Everyone laughed. As if on cue, the guy changed his vote right back to yes again so the final tally was 61 to 29, the same number we started with. I almost wet myself it was so funny. I’m still laughing eight hours later.” The guy in my class believes electronic voting is a comedy godsend. “Conan and Leno have their Monica Lewinsky,” said the guy in my Real Estate class. “Changing my electronic vote is my own Lewinsky.

They’ll never stop laughing at it. My classmates love it when they see the bar on the chart go up and down and up again. I’m gonna do this every time I vote from here on out.” Despite the new material, the guy in my real estate class will still perform his tried and tested comedy routine at Redline every Tuesday night titled “The bottleneck at the bar would make a great TOM case.”

RC Student Caught Reading Book for Pleasure

(Shad Hall) Personal trainer Tim Jones caught RC student Emma Bowen reading a book for pleasure in Shad last Thursday and quickly notified the police. “I saw her on the exercise bike, reading that Dan Brown book ‘The Da Vinci Code.’ I think its number three on the New York Times bestseller list,” said Jones. “I couldn’t believe she was reading that instead of cases, so I ran to my office and called 911.” The campus police arrived minutes later, forcibly confiscated Bowen’s book and gave her a Marketing case and highlighter to use instead. According to Co-Head of RC Curriculum Harris Baker, “We can not have RC students running around reading fiction for fun. If they have any free time, they should be re-reading cases to reinforce what they learned in class. Or at least skimming the Wall Street Journal.” To prevent extracurricular reading from happening again, the LEAD department has assigned fifty additional supplemental notes on what it means to be a leader. Each note will be 30-pages in length and really, really boring.

Poll: STARS Party Having “Ron Jeremy in the VIP Playpen” Has Got to be a Joke
(Pravda) A Harris Poll conducted over the weekend revealed that 83% of students at HBS believe that the 7th Annual STARS Party email received on October 7th has “got to be a joke” because is boasts of having porn star Ron Jeremy as a special guest. “I have no idea what Brattle Street Entertainment was thinking,” said RC student Jeff Baker. “I mean, what male student wants to met a male porn star? And if there is a woman at HBS who has actually scene a porno film, do you think she has seen enough of them to have a favorite actor?” EC student Phil Maguire agrees. “I’ve seen a lot of Jeremy’s films and while I believe he gave Oscar caliber performances in Family Thighs and Shaving Private Ryan 2, the last thing last thing I want to do is meet the guy. Now if Jenna Jameson is there, that’s a whole different story.” Despite Ron Jeremy’s presence, both Baker and Maguire are going to the party on the Jetsetter Package. “When we pull up to Pravda in a limo while we’re sipping twelve-year-old Dewars, we’ll look like total pimps,” speculated Baker.

“Everyone who sees us will say ‘Those guys are Jetsetters. They must live like movie stars because they sure know how to party like rock stars.'”

October 14, 2003
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