There have been a lot of questions all year about what goes on in the mysterious, clandestine Section F. I mean, how does a section with El Presidente, Luis Rodriguez, The Mayor, Mitch Weiss, and the Social Queen, Carole Gardner go so quiet in the student newspaper without even a mention? Even the editor-in-chief, Allen Narcisse, has approached me, in his Justin Timberlake digs and his audacious, Bobby Brown-drunken style, and concluded that Section F must (1) not be cool, (2) not be funny or (3) not have any substance, because of this supposed lack of exposure. There is a small contingent out there that may want to put some blame on the lazy, unnamed Harbus Representative for not writing articles about all the great things going on in section. There may be some tiny truth to this supposition. However, let’s perfectly be honest. There is one truth: Sections that need to write about themselves are simply not funny (see Section B), definitely not cool (Section I), and absolutely, without a doubt, lacking in substance (see Section J).
And so with that premise, let it be known, that all good things must come to an end and it’s time for Section F to tell its story. You may think you know, but really, you don’t.
Let’s start off with a quick overview on what went right this semester.
Karaoke challenge: Um..thanks Ricky. The Dating game: King Bachelor, Dayton Miller. The Newlywed Game: All aboard the ‘Bama, Molly! Beer challenges. Boat races. The Bus Stop: Thanks for walking down the street, Vani. Spring Break: Jeff and Brendan, you know what we’re talking about. Monday night is drinking night. Broom Hockey. Grafton Street. The Kong! You can always find the Jenuaries and Katie there!
Drinking on Tuesdays. Worst Section Citizen Party: yup, our King Dayton Miller. Parties at Katie’s. Drinking on Wednesdays. Girls night out I, II and III: Remember Dylan? Guys night out…it’s was all about #1 (Tony?). Hockey games. Baseball games. Drinking on Thursdays. Auction Night. FACE-off: 80’s rock. Squash tourney: Gavin “Kick Ass” Smith is knocking them dead. And all the unnamed dinners and random get-togethers that we were all part of. Retreat: Toga! Toga! Toga!
With all that, for some people, leaving Section F will be a hard thing to do. We will all miss and yearn for certain random things. For example, we will all certainly miss Tomas’ 5 minute sermons making some obscure argument that only 2 people understand. We will all miss Dylan, as our superb Ed Rep, hoping and begging for the section to help him fill out his damn polls. We will long for Sweeny’s brilliant(?) rants, Jarred’s boastful raps, Teillon’s deadpan humor, Sonalee’s sneezes (Achoo! Achoo!), Bill’s once-every-two-months crack about the protagonist who is sitting in during the class, and don’t forget, Connie’s cold calls (hehe hehe). How about Makio’s patented introduction before every comment he makes, Meghan’s women-centric comments, Carlotta’s Euro-centric comments, Lauren’s allusions to her previous job at a retail manufacturer and Cabin’s habit of pulling up his sock? Lastly, this summer, as we all sit in our cubicles doing indentured work, we will yearn for David’s random theories and strategies on how to solve the world’s problems.
We should take a moment and give out a few props (that’s for you B) for a small contingent who have made this semester possible. First, to all those with significant others or spouses (John, Paul, Will, Surya, Scott, Rob, Burak, Carlos, among others), a big hand for those loved ones that have been patient enough to let us party, drink, and waste lots and lots of time. Second, to Karoli, we all can understand why you are sleeping in class with all the social preparations you have provided us. Lastly, to all Section F professors, thanks!
Now that we are done with that public service announcement, it wouldn’t be right at Harvard Business School to end without a list of things we have learned as a section this year. So here we go. Gavin is a great athlete. Yuri thinks he’s from the ghetto. (Nice. Nice. Nice.) Carole gets a new haircut every week. Connor loves his role of helping professors out by pushing the On button. Pawel is the real tech rep. Brendan is the Love Man. But Brian S., Ted and Roland are the real winners. J.B. and Lexie will forever be enshrined as the class announcement people. Perhaps Lexie likes Diet Coke, JB?! Byron knows little about law despite being a lawyer. B loves to be outspoken, but is shy about showing his muscles.
Lars loves his happy faces in his emails. Jeetendr, you are the Silent Assassin. Jan-nic-ky, I’m so sorry. Alastair probably does share the bath with Collis. Joval is a walking encyclopedia. Atesa will never show up on time. Deepali may not show up at all. Both Jen’s love to party. Debbie has taken over the technical questions. Ricky likes to pretend he has worked in all professions. Whatever, Dayton. Bob loves his analogies.
Brad could be a Baker Scholar whenever he wanted to. Maxim has simply disappeared… perhaps a step up from him sleeping through all of Fall term. The ladies still think Antonio is a heartthrob. Larry should have a side career as Ed McMahon. Alice has an uncanny ability to multitask during class discussions. Cindy has lots of questions. Spier never reads his cases the night before. Tolga is the Turkish Terror. Lena will never stop hearing the French jokes. Craig disagrees with everyone and lets everyone know it. And finally, Queenie loves porn.
So, with that, goodbye 109, hello Newport and bring on the summer. We’ll be back in the fall and we will still be the Frogs, no sorry, the Funk, um…the Family? The Family. F-ing style. With that, all the rest of you sections who have doubted us all year, F.U. We know, you’re just jealous.