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"How To" Guide:

With the school year winding down and RC’s grabbing internships and EC’s getting set to re-enter the working world, I thought I would use this column to offer advice in the event that you find yourself tired of working and would prefer to spend more time on the couch.

10) Before taking off for your two week vacation, you leave a copy of “Work Would be Great If it Weren’t For the People” on your desk.

9) When your boss confronts you about the filet mignon, lobster, and merlot you expensed on a recent business trip, you tell him that you strongly believe “you’ve got to spend money to make money”.

8) When your boss asks you to put in some extra work to get a key project completed, you tell her that you think taking a one hour lunch is sacrifice enough.

7) On national “Bring Your Kid to Work Day”, you tell your boss you’re skipping the firm’s annual planning meeting to spend the day at your dad’s office.

6) When you’re in an important
client meeting, you reply to everything the client says by pointing your thumb towards your boss and saying “I know, I know. If it weren’t for ‘You Know Who’, we would’ve had this puppy completed weeks ago.”

5) When your Tag Hauer watch stops working, you call IT to tell them you have an emergency situation involving an expensive piece of Swiss machinery.

4) When your CEO sends out a company wide e-mail to announce that the company’s fortunes look bright for the coming year, you reply to all “Suuuure, that’s what you said last year.”

3) When your boss asks you to forecast the volume for a new product release, you perform your analysis using Microsoft’s Paint program.

2) When your boss calls you into his office to tell you that you’ve been passed over for a promotion, you reply “Whew, I thought you were going to mention the Everclear in the water cooler.”

1) When you hit a game-winning home run to win the company softball league, you run around the bases yelling “I run this company! I run this company!”

April 14, 2003
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