It is with much fear that I write this column tonight. My partner in crime, the notorious Casey Nolan, had to bail on me tonight. Apparently he thinks some $10,000 Case Competition is more important than this column. “Maverick, never, ever leave your wingman.” Where are his priorities? What is Omar going to say? (Writer’s note: Who the hell cares what Omar thinks? When have we ever taken that into consideration?
When has anyone ever taken that into consideration? . . sorry, like always – I digress.) So I will have to proceed without Casey. It will be like Hutch without Starsky, jelly without peanut butter, Oreos without the filling, John Candy without his third chin [Editor’s suggestion: Tweedle dumb without Tweedle dee]. . . you get the picture.
The only positive is that the show has a lot of promise since they are going to visit the Bachelorette’s families this week. Every show should somehow figure out a way to work in a home visit. You’re guaranteed for the unintentional comedy factor to shoot through the roof. And thankfully this show did not disappoint in this regard. For example, Estella’s Mom gave us this tidbit about Estella: “We used to call her ‘pooter buns.'”
Pooter buns??? Are you kidding me? For all 900 of our RC fans reading this column, the “Phrase that Pays” for the week has to be “pooter buns.” Try something like this, “Well, I think Erik Peterson would have been in a lot better shape if he didn’t grab his co-worker’s pooter buns.” Or maybe you should save this for next semester when you could say, “I really don’t think this industry is that attractive, because the pooter buns have way too much power.”
Random Ramblings. . . Our Key Takeaways from Episode 6
The Date with Mary:
9:03 pm- 1st kiss of the show along with light petting. Now we’re getting back on track, ABC. Well played. . . well played. Bob then follows his smooch session with, “What if I do this [more petting], would that be alright.” You’re damn right it would be alright Bob. This gets me thinking that perhaps there is the opportunity for Reality Soft Porn(tm). . . looks like I’ve just come up with my entry for this year’s Business Plan contest.
The Date with Kelly Jo:
As everyone knows, Kelly Jo hasn’t exactly been a fan favorite in our minds. However, I must admit I became much more of a fan this time around. Why you ask? Because of her mom. No- I’m not making an attempt at high school humor (although perhaps that would help this column). Kelly Jo’s Mom was by far the best looking one and we all know this is a good sign for Kelly Jo. And better yet. . . when Bob walked in the door, she (this is Kelly Jo’s mom, mind you) jumped in his arms and wrapped her legs around him. Now that is good work.
The Rose Ceremony
o Pre-commercial teaser purports this rose ceremony to be “the most dramatic rose ceremony EVER.” I can’t wait.
o Estella – I had thought she was gone this episode, thankfully she made it through. I like this call Bob. . . she’s the hottest one left. ‘Nuff said.
o Kelly Jo – Her Mom mounting Bob sealed the deal. Way to take one for the team Mom. If you ever need a team to play on. . . just give me a call.
o Mary – It’s the soft porn inferences. You’re in.
o Meredith – Thanks for playing. For your parting gift, HBS is bringing back Negotiations class just for you.
No LeeAnn, no crying…..thanks ABC.
Quote of the Week
o Meredith’s Dad asking Bob, “What are you going to do if everything all of a sudden just goes in the crapper for you. . . Interest rates go to 18%, Oprah hates your guts.” It doesn’t get any better than someone saying “crapper” on national t.v.
HBS Grade of the Week
o I’m giving this a Category 1. I know, it’s a shocker, but you have to remember that at HBS you get graded relative to your peers. . . and considering what this show has done recently, this is definitely best of class.
Joe Millionaire Bonus Coverage
By now everyone has heard that Joe Millionaire is getting horrible ratings. We have absolutely no idea why. It’s almost impossible to even do justice to how great this show is. Our favorite cowboy provides us with this gem, “There is no better place than Pisa for a first date. In Texas, you might go to Whataburger.” There’s the next t-shirt slogan for the Texas Club.
Although our cowboy disappoints us all by cutting the woman who provided us with the following scene: “I was cursing like a sailor, I wasn’t wearing underwear and I was drinking a lot of champagne.” Pardon me. . . why did he cut her?
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