H-BS Takes Week Off. Rioting Ensues

(Gallatin Hall Basement) Hordes of angry students ran rampant Tuesday, breaking windows across the HBS campus, tipping cars on North Harvard Street, and taking loudly in the Spangler Den. The rioting started after students discovered that Marc Teillon had taken a week off from putting together the H-BS Section to “catch up on scratching [his] ass,” which he had neglected since volunteering to dedicate his time to the Harbus Humor section. “Look, it was getting really itchy, and I was like, ‘damn it if I’m going another week with my hindside afire,'” he told the Harbus in an exclusive interview. But students were unimpressed and unsympathetic to the obviously uncomfortable Teillon. “I’ll spring for the two bucks to get the guy some chamomile or something,” said dedicated reader Stuart Griffon, “but H-BS is the only bright spot in my otherwise dreary existence.” His sentiments were echoed by sectionmate Shannon Carter, who earlier had burned Teillon in effigy on the Spangler lawn. “If that crackpot pulls a stunt like that again, so help me, I cut his balls off,” she noted, adding later, “I’m serious.”