HBS Secret Society Taps New Members. Or Did It?

(Boston) The HBS secret society “The Crimson Rod” selected or “tapped” new members over the weekend, sources alleged.

“My roommate said someone came up behind him on Saturday night, put his hand on his right shoulder and yelled ‘Crimson Rod! Accept or Reject!'” said RC student Manuel Cortes // “I believed my roommate because he seems to be secret society material – you know, he’s got five middle names, he’s good at paddle tennis, whatever that is, and his family has a twelfth-generation summer home on the Vineyard. But then again, if my roommate was actually asked to be in a secret society, he wouldn’t be able to talk about it, right?”

EC student Scott Kohut is more adamant in his disbelief. “If there was a secret society at HBS, I would be in it,” said Kohut. “I mean, I’m huge on campus. I’m a leader. You know – Section President, Harbus Rep, organizer of a panel for the Energy Conference, captain of IM soccer team, 2nd place in the HBS Art Show. Again, if there was a society, I’d know about it.”

“But now that I think about it, a couple of my buddies who are also campus leaders mysteriously disappeared Saturday night. I wonder if they got tapped by the Rod replica watches. Those bastards! I can’t believe I didn’t get asked. This is total crap! Do you know who else got tapped? If John did, I’m gonna be totally pissed. I’m way more popular than he is. And if I ever find out who it was who left me off the tap list, I’m going to send him a carefully-crafted email with ten convincing reasons why I should’ve been tapped. That’ll show him.”

The Crimson Rod has been rumored to exist on HBS’s campus for decades, but no one at the Harbus has been able to confirm or deny its existence. However, a number of campus pranks have been attributed to the alleged organization, according to HBS historian “Chick” Weaver.

“The name “The Crimson Rod” has been associated with HBS pranks since the early sixties,” said Weaver in a British accent despite the fact that he was born on Long Island and has never left the United States. “Since the infamous panty raid at Radcliffe in 1962, every toilet-papered tree and funny message on the chalk board has been attributed to the venerable Rod. The biggest prank ever associated with the secret organization is the decision to make Social Enterprise part of the core curriculum. No one in the administration remembered approving it, but next thing you know professors were being hired and every student on campus was enrolled!”

While H-BS was unable to get any more compelling information on the Crimson Rod – like the location of its secret chambers or its web url – yet another Crimson Rod-attributed prank on campus was committed.

“Some guest – a prospective student – seriously tried to make a comment in Managing Service Ops,” said Weaver. “There is no way that a prospective student actually would have thought it was appropriate to make a comment. He had to have gotten that idea from somewhere. But where?”

November 3, 2003
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