HBS Democrats Increase Membership 200%

[Editor’s Note: This is a work of fiction. No slight is meant to the real officers of the real club to whom the editor offers his moral support.]

The HBS Democrats had their first event last week in the Spangler Grille. H-BS caught up with club officer Keanu Glohair to ask how things were going so far.

Harbus Humor: Isn’t it a little late in the year to get started? What obstacles have you had to overcome to get this far?

A: Well, first of all, there are a number of forms to fill out for the SA to recognize us and let us participate in the Club Fair. Normally, Democrats love forms! As many as possible, please! But the real issue began with a lack of suitable writing implements. We were about to use a ball-point pen, until someone pointed out that it was made out of petrochemical products.

Using that pen would have been equivalent to personally supporting the war in Iraq. So, we didn’t use the pen. In fact, we protested it with thoughtful, punchy banners. Then, someone got a pencil, which seemed like a good solution… until it was pointed out that a tree died to make that pencil. That was sad. It took us a while to recover from that emotional set-back, and the next thing we knew, it was already November!

Harbus Humor: What sorts of activities do you have planned?

A: For starters, we’re thinking of hosting an all-day workshop including sessions such as “Hey, the school-year starts in September after all!” and “How to send out recruitment e-mails that seem sorta sarcastic so no ones knows if you’re for real or not”. Then, using the momentum from that, we’ll continue to meet at the Spangler Grille on a regular basis to boo Fox News.

Harbus Humor: “HBS Democrats”: club, or oxymoron?

A: Club, absolutely.

Harbus Humor: The dictionary defines “club” as: “n. A group of people organized for a common purpose.” Doesn’t “group” usually mean “more than one”?

A: Well, we did make a slight miscalculation on that front. Since 10% of the RC class is from the non-profit sector, we thought for sure we had 90 instant members. Unfortunately, when we approached them, their responses tended to be along the lines of, ‘Why do you think I came to HBS and not the Kennedy School? Screw the third-world leper orphans and their boring rain-forests; I want my Porsche!” That was discouraging.

However, we’ve kept our chins up and engaged in serious recruitment and outreach efforts. The fruits of our labor are sweet and delicious: we now have four whole members. Four! All we need are two more and we can make a human pyramid and topple the White House!

Harbus Humor: Well, good luck with that. I’m sure you’ll all look real cute with your progressive pom-poms.

A: No,wait! Listen! There is such a thing as a liberal business-school student!. Can’t there be room on this campus for enlightened, meaningful discourse from both sides of the political spectrum? (sobbing) Please, take us seriously. Please?

Harbus Humor: Whatever.

November 10, 2003
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