Buyout Firm Seeks Cultural Fit; Hiring Two to Three Arrogant Pricks

(Charles Hotel) With the private equity market picking up, buyout firm Whitewater Partners is planning on hiring two to three associates who fit well with the firm’s culture of arrogance, company representatives said at the Charles Hotel.

“What differentiates Whitewater Partners from the competition is not our proprietary deal flow nor our intense due diligence process,” said Partner Brad Goldstein. “It’s the fact that we have 23 investment professionals and every single one is an arrogant prick. Each Whitewater worker knows everything, thinks every other investment professional at Whitewater is stupid and is extraordinarily rude to cab drivers and maintenance people.

We’ve carefully built this culture of arrogance over many years. It is absolutely imperative that the people we hire will fit well in the environment.”

EC student Mick Edwards really wants the job and has a fool-proof plan to show his arrogance in the interview. “First, I’m going talk about how stupid all the MDs are in investment banking, especially at the place I used to work. Then I’m going to mention that while HBS supposedly has the best business school talent in the country, I’m really not all that impressed with my classmates. After that, I’ll tell them to make a few reference calls to the secretaries in my old group. They all hate me.”

According to Goldstein, “That’s exactly what we’re looking for.”

November 17, 2003
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