Editors Note: Kevin and Casey, with obviously far too much time on their hands, regale us again in part two of their continuing, er, blow by blow of the reality show, “The Bachelor.”
Much to our surprise, we’re back for week two. We must admit, we were a little concerned that we wouldn’t be invited back because we wouldn’t be funny enough. However, we were reassured when we saw our illustrious Humor Editor’s article last week. At least we know that WE have job security if HE keeps writing humor articles that suck. Dinner with a Prince my ass, this was just a (shameful) attempt to name drop. Well we’ll show you. You called out the big dogs when it comes to name dropping. Guess who one of us went to college with…Charlie from the last Bachelorette.
Not only did one of us go to college with him, but he was also in the same fraternity! We knew you couldn’t hang-we hope you learned your lesson.
Ah-we digress-on to the subject at hand. You will be happy to know (or perhaps you’ll want to pull the trigger) that we get to talk about two episodes this week.
Random Ramblings. . . Our Key Takeaways from Episode Two
o 9:01 p.m.-Serious time on the show-it turns out Antoinette has been “rushed to the emergency room.” When interviewed she offered this insight, “One of the biggest days of my life and I’m stuck in the hospital.” Wow–and we thought us getting our grades in June and realizing we didn’t hit the screen was our biggest day.
o 9:05 p.m.- Pan to Kelly Jo’s backside she states that her competition is Meredith. No-you’re wrong Kelly Jo, the competition is your ass.
o 9:08 p.m.- Gratuitous hot tub scene. What took ABC so long???
o 9:12 p.m. – The First make-out scene (with Meredith). To the trained eye, it appeared that there was potential light petting involved as well, which is a sure ticket to Round 3!
o 9:17 p.m.- Make out with Misty!!! Tongue on national TV- we’ve got a winner- or at least so we thought, until we noticed what she looked like once her makeup wore off. That’s a problem.
o 9:21 p.m.- First tears of the show. There was a surprise rose ceremony. Much to our joy, Lindsay was cut. She acted surprised, but we weren’t . . . after all She is a dancer for the Clippers. Thanks for playing the game. Here’s a General Mills Health bar from our Aldrich mailbox as a parting gift.
o 9:30 p.m.- Bob gets to put his hands in cement on Hollywood Blvd. Bob commented that this was “pretty cool.” Do you think he was referring to putting his hands in the cement or having 6 attractive girls in a suggestive position around him?
o 9:35 p.m. – In a gratuitous display of gyrations, Mary showed that she had potential to be on “Dirty Dancing 2.” Mary stated that she was “just feeling the music,” to which we ask, “Excuse me, where can we buy this album?” Mary’s starting to grow on us, we think she has tremendous upside.
o 9:37 p.m.- LeAnn- welcome to the show! She decides to “Cowboy Up” and put it all on the line by making out with Bob. . . even allows him to do some confirmed light petting. Before this, Bob mentions that he thinks LeAnn has “girl next door” qualities. How come we have never had a girl like her next door?
The Rose Ceremony
o Meredith- 1st to hook-up this show, first to get a rose. See our first article.
o Mary- show your ass, get a rose. ‘Nuff said.
o Misty- our apartment erupts in cheers. Yep. . . we like dirty girls. Although what happened to her face in this episode?…bad camera angles we hope
o Lanah (didn’t make it)- note to participants: If you want to make it to the next episode, don’t wear a dog collar to the Rose Ceremony. What were you thinking? Here’s a jar of salsa from Derek Lewis’ new salsa company as a parting gift. Thanks for playing.
o Quote of the Week: “I could get married at 7-11 if it was the right person.” (Meredith). Now this is the kind of material that would’ve made the 7-11 chapter in Creating Modern Capitalism interesting.
o Runner-up Quote of the Week: Mayor Willie Brown saying to Bob, “I wish I could switch spots with you.” Yup, America take a good hard look at the face of leadership today. Where was Mayor Brown at the Leadership and Values award ceremony last week?
o HBS Grade for Bob for the episode: Mid-Low 2. He made out 3 times (that’s worth a “chip shot comment” rating). He had light petting 1 1/2 times (that’s worth a “quality comment” rating). However, he cut Lindsey and Kristi (that’s like not showing up 3 classes in a row due to late nights at the Kong).
Random Ramblings. . . Our Key Takeaways from Episode 3
o 9:04- 1st tears. The whole crew starts crying, because they have to vote for best/worst compatible for Bob. Laughter erupts in our apartment. Are you kidding me? You can’t script this even if you tried. This is “unintentional comedy” at its finest. We are crying as well, because we’re laughing so hard.
o 9:24- Meredith had an unfortunate situation occur, but still decided to go on her date with Bob. Bob breaks the awkward silence with: “Do you like horses?” Note to self- great response when you’re frozen in a cold call. Where was this in Business Marketing a couple weeks ago?
o 9:27- First oyster experience for Meredith. This was the exchange. Bob: “Just right down the hatch.” Meredith: “It didn’t do so much for me.” Bob: “Just keep drinking.” Hmm. . . what makes us think this isn’t the first time we’ll hear this.
o 9:30- Commercial break. The show is still weak, but the Sox are up 2-0.
o 9:36- Bob and Meredith making out under the covers. Meredith says, “That’s hard.” Yep Meredith, you’ve made the next round. Congratulations.
o 9:41- Lingerie/Karaoke date with Mary, Kelly Jo and Misty. Note to Brattle Lounge, this would be a little better theme than the “STARS Party.”
o 9:53- Finally Bob speeds things up a little. Grabs our girl Misty for some one-on-one time. Makes out with Misty while simultaneously giving the camera a “thumbs-up” on Misty’s thigh. He then says, “Misty’s chance for a rose tonight went from a probably to a definite.” WE AGREE! Thumbs up Bob!
o 9:58- Previews of the next show. Lee Ann gets chosen as the “least compatible.” She is quoted as saying about her date, “Orgasmic is the word that describes it.” ABC cuts it off and extends it into a 2nd show. We are again left wondering what, if anything, ABC is thinking? This is the “B case” that we actually want to read.
o Note to the producers: This was a horrible episode. You almost lost your greatest fans on this one.
o HBS Grade for ABC for the Episode: Three. If it wasn’t for the light petting, you would’ve gotten a four.
Hopefully ABC will turn it around for Episode Four, because Three was a big disappointment. For next weeks’ column we will share an email or two from our Mailbag, so if you’re bored or just have a crush on us, write us at: firstname.lastname@example.org.