The Place to Wait

Uncle Jordy recently visited an old friend who has retired to
Columbia, South Carolina, the state capital and home of the University of South Carolina. He decided in this era of unnecessarily arriving at the airport two hours early, the airport in Columbia is the place to wait. Here’s the Top Ten reasons why:

10. During landing, ten-year old sitting behind Uncle Jordy asks her parents, “Do they pay taxes here?”

9. Airport is new and clean, with sweet carpeting depicting the state tree, the Palmetto.

8. Concerned security officer checking every car trunk outside makes kind suggestion to turn heat up to stay warm in convertible on a sunny 56 degree day.

7. No traffic, no people, no lines at check-in.

6. Talkative Yankee gate agent has way too much time to tell you about commuting from Washington Reagan/National, and how much better life is in Columbia.

5. Second concerned security agent has metal detecting wand set so high she is the first person in fifteen years to detect the pin in Uncle Jordy’s elbow. And the pin’s not even metal.

4. Why listen to Muzak on the PA when you can play James Brown and “Jungle Boogie”?

3. Wooden rocking chairs give waiting areas “homey” porch feel.

2. Krispy Kreme Doughnuts in food court.

1. Every item in gift store says “Go ‘Cocks!”

March 25, 2002
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