News

OD "Wins One for the Gipper"

ALLSTON (OD Press)- Tragedy nearly struck the OD soccer team this past week, as shoe-in league MVP and OD first-string goalie Derek “Gipper” Mendez developed a rare case of 24-hour spinal meningitis on the return flight from his grandfather’s 90th birthday party. Mendez, barely strong enough to type, sent an email out to the team from his hospital bed (while being comforted by the sexy nurses of OD – and we’re not talking male nurses, either): “team – I’m home sick today. Win one for the gipper.”

Inspired by these inspirational words, OD quietly began with a moment of silence, but soon it was determined that their determined play would bloom, flower, and ultimately cause OC to wilt. Taking the start at goalie in the first half was Ray “Never Ruirong” Yang, and stifling play by Brendan “If my hippie hair weren’t so long maybe I’d stop complaining about the wind blowing it into my eyes” McGeever and Dan “Third Degree” Burns (Burns playing on a new multi-million dollar contract after his 4-goal performance the week before) made sure that Yang never touched the ball, including on the single shot that OC attempted in the half which turned into a goal. Apparently the lack of offense on OC’s part had lulled Yang to sleep – a tricky game plan indeed. Goals by Morio “Scorio” Alexander, Peter “Stoichkov” Velikin, Andre “The Giant” Silva and Stephanie “Pride of Libertyville” Chamberlain made the score at halftime 4-1.

The second half saw McGeever replace Yang in goal, and Ray rapidly woke up, feeding assists on two more goals by Alexander and Velikin. OC managed another score, but McGeever could hardly be faulted (except by his teammates) – a beautiful header by Erin Russell off a perfectly placed corner kick, her second goal of the game. Final score: OD 6, OC 2.

At the post-game press conference, OD Captain Stephanie Chamberlain had lots to say about the opposition. “OC’s lack of soccer knowledge was simply annoying. Case in point, Jonathon Waggoner not understanding why OD players shout the word ‘time,’ requiring game stoppage for explanation of commonly used soccer words. No, it doesn’t mean that half-time is here, it means that there are absolutely no OC players near the ball so OD players can do whatever the heck we want with it.” However, Chamberlain also pulled no punches when asked about teammate Dan Burns’ new $17 million IM Soccer contract: “obviously Asis and the other managers need to brush up on their payroll incentive programs – Burns’ totals today? Goals: 0; push-ups assigned by Brendan for missing several great opportunities: 20.”

Play of the game:
From his hospital bed, Derek Mendez pushed the nurse call button for a sponge bath and massage. After several hours of pampering by the sexy nurses of OD, Mendez had miraculously recovered from his case of spinal meningitis, and he is expected to be back in goal for OD’s next game in two weeks time. And there was much rejoice…

October 15, 2002
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