ALLSTON (OD Press) – While it will go down in the history books as a mere footnote in the epic saga that is OD’s majestic IM soccer campaign of 2002, last Wednesday’s season-opening match against OB was a heroic, if altogether one-sided, war of wills. Led into battle by Peter “Stoichkov” Velikin and Morio “Scorio” Alexander, each scoring two goals, The Dark Side overcame early jitters and cruised home with a 6-5 victory.
Rallying the cause for OD were the defensive efforts of Cameron “Me and Mrs.” Jones, Andre “The Giant” Silva, Ray “Never Ruirong” Yang, Martin “Alpaca Breath” Aspillaga, and Kelly “Walla Walla” Waldher.
Strong midfield support was given by Stephanie “Pride of Libertyville” Chamberlain, Duncan “The Belgian Waffle” Van Bergen, Dan “Third Degree” Burns, and Luis “I don’t play dirty” Sanchez. Derek “What does DD stand for anyway” Mendez relieved Jones in goal upon arriving from class and according to one teammate “without [his] many saves we would have lost the game!”
At the post-game press conference, OD Spokesman Brendan “Baby Babushka” McGeever gave out game balls for OD and commented on the opposition. “Game balls for everybody! Hopefully next time we’ll get an opponent whose defense does not resemble certain Kraft products – Shredded Wheat comes to mind. Oh, and OB’s ‘sexy football’ T-shirts? If that’s what ‘sexy’ is, I’ll remain celibate.”
OB’s one shining moment of the afternoon was star player Wakana Tanaka, credited with all five of OB’s goals and seven assists. Said OB teammate David Miller, “I’m better off sticking to rugby.”
Play of the game:
Feeling sorry for OB, Kelly “Walla Walla” Waldher and Cameron “Me and Mrs.” Jones simply walked up to their opponents with their hands outstretched and introduced themselves politely. The distraction ploy worked perfectly – OD scored another easy goal on OB, and there was much rejoice.
00:36 Morio “Scorio” Alexander (OD)
04:36 Wakana Tanaka (OB)
08:16 Wakana Tanaka (OB)
11:01 Wakana Tanaka (OB)
13:52 Duncan “The Belgian Waffle” Van Bergen (OD)
15:15 Stephanie “Pride of Libertyville” Chamberlain (OD)
17:52 Wakana Tanaka (OB)
24:20 Peter “Stoichkov” Velikin (OD)
33:44 Morio “Scorio” Alexander (OD)
35:09 Peter “Stoichkov” Velikin (OD)
38:11 Wakana Tanaka (OB)
Final Score: OD 6, OB 5