Goodbye Section J!!!

All good things must come to an end, and so with the final Section J column, I bid adieu to Aldrich 109. We will miss Anthony’s announcements, the smack down posters and the birthday wishes to Andre that have been up for months because nobody can reach them. Next year, our classrooms will be notably flagless and even worse, potentially sharkless. We might not have Jim to remind the professors to turn on the board lights or Magnus to play devil with the back switch. So, before we begin to stress about summer sublets, vacations and summer listservs, let’s take a moment to reflect.

This year we learned not to be an Erik Petersen, but being a Taran Swann is not a bad thing, but the guys really prefer Rudy Gassner. We learned about the 7 S’s, the 5 C’s and the 4 P’s. We don’t remember what they stand for, but we remember that we can pick any of them to explain just about anything. New words like BATNA and incentivizing have escaped our lips to bewildered loved ones and strangers. Mihir would be proud. Our favorite case was Volkswagen, because we got to talk about hedonistic marketing, but then Diageo led to some interesting theories about the beta of the spirits industry. We learned that having the department head as prof is great, but having a cool professor who laughs when we throw the shark or send facetious questions via email to the guest speakers in Hawes is even better.

Early on, we learned that Ed is John, Ryland is Matt, Malay is not Irish and is not pronounced melee and if you want to get cold-called your name must be Deana but pronounced as Dee-Anna. We also learned that Fabio is a real name and not just some concocted Hollywood model name, and better yet, we learned that Vidal is not just a hair care product. We decided that certain names were boring, so we prefer Jazzy, Barrylicious, Mode-ee and El Presidente. We can even do some pretty good impressions of each other. “Guys, guys, a couple of announcements, just a couple of announcements;” “I wonder if …;” “yeeeeeahhh, so ….;” “My problem with this conversation is …” and “so getting back to my earlier brilliant comment.”

We found that a lot of our section mates had famous twins (Andre = Eric Estrada and Sarah = the Noxzema girl, no question) and really cool partners (Josephine snacks). We learned that there is indeed much rivalry between the Brits and the Americans, but the Irish are smart and keep quiet and do the numbers. The Russians disagree passionately while the Egyptians go with whatever Pam says. There were some ongoing death matches but we are waiting for the final scores: Barry vs. Anthony, Barry vs. Matt, Jim vs. Robin, Jim vs. the Blackboard, Craig vs. Velina and, of course, Craig vs. where the conversation is going at any point in time. We found some justice in the world when Mode, Ozgur and Raj lined up in wormdeck second semester. The creativity in the skydeck astounds us, but we fear the unfettered wormdeck backlash next week. (Anthony should be a big target for scamming his way into skydeck two semesters in a row).

We also found talent in Section J. Patty is a world class lip syncher while pretty much everyone else can add the words if they are prompted by a computer screen at Do Re Mi. Dan can actually sing, but that doesn’t stop him from joining in our inspired howling. Mel can dance like nobody’s business and Malay makes a damn good Sadhu. “Just because in J we are veeery enlightened, does not mean that we won’t kick your ass!” But, then oops they kicked ours, but we have the best build project of all time! Besides, how can we be expected to win at tug-of-war with all are military guys building and McNary “tutoring”? Barry will challenge any section to a night of blackjack and Mo will organize a boat race, so take that K! Oh, and we learned that section life is much more interesting once you have an arch nemesis. It just won’t be the same when CCMO challenges Advanced Competitive Strategy to a duel.

So, goodbye 109 and hello Newport and summer endeavors. We’ll be back in the fall and we will still be the J-Crew (forever). It’s been a pleasure, J.