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Spam of the Week: How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity

1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sun glasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they “want fries with that.”
4) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”
5) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
6) In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
7) Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”
8) Dont use any punctuation
9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11) Specify that your drive-thru order is “to go.”
12) Sing along at the opera.
13) Go to a poetry recital and complain that the poems don’t rhyme.
14) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle, and play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
16) Call the psychic hotline and don’t say anything.
17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I won! I won! Third time this week!”
18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”
19) Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”

February 5, 2001
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