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Uncle Jordy: Jake, where did you pick up your nickname? If you had to give Colleen a nickname, what would it be? What’s do you think her middle initial A stands for?

Jake Bisenius: My middle name is Jacob. How about Sporty Spice? Allison? Antoinette.

UJ: Colleen, you are from Chicago. How can you talk about people named Jake without mentioning Joliet Jake Blues? Is there any resemblance between Jake Bisenius and John Belushi? Does he look more like Elwood Blues? Or maybe the studly senior guy named Jake Molly Ringwald was after in Sixteen Candles?

Colleen McCaffrey: Luckily for you, Uncle “Cupid” Jordy, Jake doesn’t bring either of the Blues Brothers to mind. I’d place him a cross between Jake Plummer of the Arizona Cardinals and a bigger version of Jake Lloyd. This is serious, because, while young Anakin Skywalker’s bowl haircut made this difficult to see, anyone who is destined to become Darth Vader must be a total badass in some respect.

UJ: Jake, who’s your favorite movie character named Jake? Given that you’ve already alluded to John Belushi, I’m guessing Joliet Jake Blues, no? Has a woman you knew ever “Caught the Katy, and left you a mule to ride?” Do you know what the Katy is?

JB: I have much love for The Blues Brothers and John Belushi, especially as he was a classmate of my Dad’s. Which is a far superior Jake than the one played by Nicholas Cage in that lame wannabe Top Gun with helicopters movie, I think the name was Fire Birds. Not sure what the Katy is, but as far as being left to ride the mule, yeah that has happened before, especially in my youthful existence, where I probably put more emphasis on hanging out with my friends, partying, and career goals than my relationships. I am a lot more balanced now and my relationships end as friendships.

UJ: The Katy is the Kansas City-Topeka railroad. I don’t know why there’s a song about it. Jake, you brought up There’s Something About Mary. Where did you and Colleen meet for the Intraview, and did you perform any kind of pre-Intraview rituals you’d like to share?

JB: We met by the Fleet ATMs. To prepare, I shaved, as I had gotten up too late to shave in the morning.

UJ: Colleen, did you perform any kind of pre-Intraview rituals you’d like to share? Do you think Jake might have?

CMcC: Enough about dirty Harbus editors; let’s talk about you.

UJ: Jake, Ricky Ayers of Section NA is working on a business plan based on attaching a breathalyzer device to all phones and computers. His goal is to eradicate drunken phone calls and emails from society. Do you think this product will take off? What do you think is the size of his market worldwide?

JB: I think this product will greatly impair the revenues of the phone companies, since I know a lot of people like to give out a lot of late night calls of love, especially after they have been drinking. However, I think people wishing to cut down on the number of dumb things they do when intoxicated will buy a ton of product. Market size is probably about 1 billion people. Figure 20% of the world is single and has access to alcohol and a phone.

UJ: You guys got lost on the Intraview. What kind of car were you in, and who was driving? Do you think you would have fared better if this car had been equipped with GPS? What do you think is the size of the GPS-receiver market in greater Boston?

CMcC: I have to take credit for our little detour; not only did I not look up directions, I was driving. Strangely, GPS was not yet standard in the 1995 Pontiac Sunfire, so we had to stumble around a bit to find the place.

JB: We were in Colleen’s ride, which kicks the crap out of my ride, seeing as I sold mine when I interned in New York. It’s a four-door Pontiac. GPS would have helped, except we didn’t know where we were going, and had no address, so we probably needed Onstar as well. In Boston it has to be huge because the streets absolutely suck here.

UJ: Well, Colleen seems to be under the impression that Newbury Street is downtown, and Jake says you went to dinner on Boylston. I’m thinking Stephanie’s on Newbury is in the Back Bay on…Newbury St. Guess maybe a GPS receiver isn’t really the problem? Regardless, Zagat’s says the restaurant is quite trendy, and a good place to watch people. Did you see anybody interesting?
CMcC: Other than the cast of Friends and Carrot Top, the place was pretty dead.

JB: Not really except for the guy trying to hustle people into buying cheap flowers for each couple that walked by.

UJ: Doh! You’ve stumbled upon Uncle Jordy’s Halloween costume idea–the annoying flower guy. Jake, why does it seem most Intraviewers are from the Midwest? Are we more adventuresome? More willing to take risks? Easier to entertain? Easier to please? More laid back? Some other reason?

JB: I think people from the Midwest are just more trusting. Living in the South for the last 5 years, the women there tend to be less outgoing, and less trusting. It all probably comes from the fact that nothing seems to happen in the Midwest. Nothing good or bad, life is pretty damn boring so you need to shake it up anyway you can and Intraviewing is one way.

UJ: Are you Tiger Woods? Will the real Tiger Woods ever lose another major championship? Who’s your favorite pro golfer?

JB: I am no Tiger Woods, even though my Dad started me out on the course when I was real young. Hated the sport as a kid wanted to do something more active like football, or basketball. I like Woods because he kicks butt, and I am a total fair-weather fan.

CMcC: I’m waiting for Jordan–Michael, the other one–to come out of retirement and make a run for it.

UJ: I suppose as a true Chicagoan you think Ditka could take Tiger Woods too. What’s your golf handicap? Who hit the longest drive? Is Colleen better at hauling off and whacking the long ones, or is she all about touch around the hole?

JB: I barely ever play golf–maybe I play once every six months–and usually hit around a 90. My philosophy is if you don’t hit it well, hit it far. So I got the long drives. Colleen is better at hauling off and whacking the long ones. She really doesn’t have much of a touch game. As we were only on a driving range I really didn’t get to see Colleen’s touch around the hole.

UJ: What’s the best golf movie? Caddyshack? Its sequel? The Legend of Bagger Vance? Tin Cup? Happy Gilmore?

JB: Happy Gilmore, Adam Sandler is awesome.

CMcC: So clearly Caddyshack that I laugh at your silly question.

UJ: What’s your favorite Infomercial?

JB: Probably the one on the Flowbee, which reminds me of the Wayne’s World suck cut.

CMcC: I’m partial to the “You’re a Genius and I Can Prove It” learning system endorsed by Dick Clark. It just makes Finance 2 so much simpler.

UJ: Did you see Saturday Night Live last weekend with Alec Baldwin? It was one of the most hilarious episodes in a while. What’s your favorite SNL skit of all time?

CMcC: Our SNL highlights were from the 80’s. I must say that since I graduated from 8th grade, while I have resorted to Intraviewing for public entertainment, I have not sunk as low as staying in on Saturday nights to watch SNL. You’ll have to fill me in on last week’s show, Uncle Jordy. 🙂

UJ: Umm, Colleen, they have invented VCRs since 1995, I think. Jake?

JB: I only saw the end last week, which is rare since I have a life and am usually not in front of a TV on Saturday Night. But my Dad doesn’t and tapes the episodes for me. My favorite is the one with Chris Farley trying out to be a Chippendale’s dancer. I also liked the Alec Baldwin one where he was Pete Schwetty and had made holiday balls for the NPR girls. NPR Girls: Your balls are real moist, can I touch them. Schwetty: Please do, my balls are here for your pleasure. Many people like to pick up the Schwetty Sack of balls for the whole family to enjoy.
< br>UJ: Actually, Pete Schwetty made another appearance last weekend, talking about his Schwetty wieners on NPR. What’s your favorite Adam Sandler Halloween costume from SNL? What’s your favorite Sandler quote?

JB: Egg Beater Head is the only costume that comes to mind. How about the whole Medium Pace song?

CMcC: I’d like to dedicate this quote from Billy Madison to Frances Frei, who was the first HBS professor to teach me the difference between comments that are valuable and those that are not useful: “Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

UJ: Nobody likes the Crazy Pickle Head costume? “Trick or treat, I’m Crazy Pickle Head. I know I’m scaring you but can’t you see my head is made out of a pickle? Now come on, give me some candy!” On to religion. What have you given up for Lent?

JB: I have given up swearing and talking cheesy. Basically, I’m trying to edit my over exuberant mouth.

CMcC: I gave up drinking for Lent. As you can tell from the fact that we postponed the Intraview because of mutual hangovers, this hasn’t been going exactly as planned. It’s okay, though, because I had given myself three lifelines on the Lent promise and I’ve only used up two.

UJ: Will there be a second Intraview?

JB: I think so. I still need to get Colleen on the course to check out the rest of her game.

CMcC: I have to resort to second-grade tactics here: that’s for me to know and you to find out…

April 17, 2001
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