This just in . . .
Don?t believe the propagandists, bootlicks, and running-dog lackeys: Section K lives. Speaking on deep psych background yet fearful of reprisals, sources said mutiny was abrew. Whether the insurgents sought my ouster, hide, or charred effigy for being such a slouch on this beat, one thing is clear: Folks sorely want their names in this paper.
“Sure,” they say. “It?s a small town rag, but it?s a start.”
“Baby steps,” I caution. “Baby steps.”
So to save my skin, redeem my section, and spill my guts, I set aside TOM, tabled FRC, and completely disregarded LEAD to dispatch our inaugural column. As such things go, it hits below the mark. But we?re on the map and that?s, as South Park?s Mr. Garrison would say, “Enkay.”
First, I?d like to talk words. The number of clich‚s uttered in class is escalating at an alarming rate.
Seriously, starting at thirty-thousand feet, let?s peel back the onion on this issue, take a first cut, drill down a little deeper, and get some real traction. To be proactive and empower ourselves, we?ll have to think outside the box on this one; this is a new paradigm shift. In order to align our interests and incentivize everyone to make light of this blight, let?s resurrect the “Phrase that Pays” with a weekly “Clich‚ Day.”
String together the most clich‚s in a single class and receive a handsome, undisclosed sum in small, unmarked denominations from Treasurer Charles Vick. He?s all signed off.
In other news, some people like particular words.
Lex Sant?s varsity word: “Robust.”
He even turned Professor Kent Bowen and Tim Jenkins out. They used it four times within two minutes last Tuesday. Before HBS, the last time I heard that word was in a Juan Valdez commercial. But Lex is just keeping it real, and that?s all good.
Chris Howard?s favorite word: “Suss.”
I fruitlessly sussed through the dictionary for it but nonetheless think it means “to plod through.” Chris even “Got Chalk” in LEAD last week, although I think Professor Joshua Margolis wrote it out as “sauce” or “Seuss.” I couldn?t really tell which.
Speaking of Vick, I heard he?s requisitioned The Clapperr for Section K?s newly anointed officer, Doug Smith. Such are the trappings of power. I also heard that in the same transaction during which Vick procured the Smith gift, he struck an absurd deal for The FlowBee Haircutting Systemr, an item he intends for personal use.
I was about to say that the two most excruciating classes this entire semester were the NerveWire LEAD and Le Petit Chef TOM classes last Tuesday but then forgot that British Prime Minister Tony Blair also moonlights as a TOM professor who fancies information systems, and that he lectured us for three phreaking years two Fridays ago.
The next time we face such a predicament, however, Jo Navarro, Pat O?Neil, Owen Wilson, Jeff LeBlanc, a handful of other stadium-antic stalwarts, and I would thoroughly enjoy seeing the wave make it all the way around the rim and back again before Professor Bowen turns around.
Personally, I?d like to see an impromptu wave erupt in the middle of FRC. Better yet, we could use it to welcome every single prospective student who visits Professor Amy Hutton?s class. That?d rock.
John Koski said last Friday that he?s already accepting nominations for the new Wave Representative.
Jo Navarro drinks a pretty cool drink: Scotch on the rocks, if I remember correctly. My standby drink: Vodka & tonic. David Corris is partial to “anything blue.” Melanie da Trindade-Asher likes a Peruvian drink that?s got milk. Carol Ahn, I think, likes Bloody Marys. And liquor heiress O Sirivadhanabhakdi drinks nothing but shots of Jim Beam chased by cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon. She swears by it.
Email me your go-to drink and I?ll report back. You?ll get your name in the paper. Plus, we?ll print up a laminated, wallet-sized card for Charles so that when we?re all out together, we can summarily dispatch him to the bar without fussing with orders.
Ever your faithful reporter, I hereby pass on an imponderable someone slipped my way: How many miles, on average, does Professor Margolis walk in the course of a class? Feel free to start with the calculation for an 80-minute class then gross it up for those exceedingly rare occasions when we have 100-minute sessions and report back.
Finally, during our discussion of Le Petit Chef in TOM last Tuesday, Gaurav “GG” Grover reported that microwave manufacturers face modularity problems similar to those he uncovered while vetting a vacuum company in which his previous firm sought to invest.
Asked later whether his firm had indeed funded the vacuum concern, GG demurred: “No. The company sucked.”
Is this thing on?